“You gotta be really careful what you bite off. Don’t bite off more than you can chew. It’s a dangerous world.”

I’m a very simple man. You’ve got to have, like, a computer nowadays to turn the TV on and off… and the nightmare continues.

I can’t do anything in moderation.

It’s all part of my journey – I’ve done a lot of stupid things, but you learn by your mistakes.

I have a genuine love affair with my audience. When I’m on stage they’re not privileged to see me. It’s a privilege for me to see them.

They say military have the so-called ‘secret intelligence’ – this amount of intelligence must be very secret, since I’ve never seen any intelligent military person, nor I have seen any sense in the bloody stupid wars.

I’ll only retire in the day I should be dead and they have me buried, and some idiot spell over my casket some stupid gospel stuff.

I have a saying. ‘Never judge a book by its cover’. I say that because I don’t even know who Ozzy is. I wake up a new person every day.

What is this? It’s music to get a brain seizure by.

MTV made a huge impact. Heavy rotation took you from selling 1m albums to 20m albums, and that meant a lot of dough.

I knew it was time to get off of reality TV when someone asked me if I sang as well as acted.

By all accounts I should be dead! The abuse I put my body through: the drugs, the alcohol, the lifestyle I’ve lived the last 30 years!

When you’re young, you’re stupid. You do silly things.

Somebody said to me this morning, ‘To what do you attribute your longevity?’ I don’t know. I mean, I couldn’t have planned my life out better.

What is the world coming to?

I’m about caring, I’m about people, and I’m about entertaining people. I’m a family man. A husband. A father.

I got rabies shots for biting the head off a bat but that’s OK – the bat had to get Ozzy shots.

If people are cool, then they are not stressed. I pity the fool that don’t be cool.

My shows are not all-the-way filthy, but they can be.

Everything will be all right – you know when? When people, just people, stop thinking of the United Nations as a weird Picasso abstraction and see it as a drawing they made themselves.

Be who you like as long as you mean it.

Be hard on yourself, easy on others.

All due respect and trying to be as modest as I can be,

[Julie Marie Pacino]is a great ballplayer, which I wanted to be. She did make four films by the time she was 14 but we’re not going to talk about that.

There are a lot of roles in Shakespeare, basically. If I feel that the script is a movie, I would be interested in doing any role of Shakespeare’s.