“You do realize I’m a professional vocalist?”

Social media is an amusement park for clinical narcissists.

Did I used to have a drinking problem?

Never let the bastards get you down!

Are we terrible parents?

If airplane safety videos have taught me anything, it’s that a mother puts her own mask on first.

One must champion oneself and say, I am ready for this!

If that’s not a cause for alcohol, I don’t know what is!

When one of us shines, all of us shine.

Let’s all pray we don’t wake up!

I won’t wear anything with an adhesive backing.

As much as I would love to contribute to the population growth of this town by way of teen pregnancies I must decline.

The world is falling apart around us and I’m dying inside.

Gossip is the devil’s telephone. Best to just hang up.

You are blind to reality and for that I am most proud.

This wine is awful. Get me another glass.

Good men always win.