“If chasing cool is important to you, you’re an idiot!”

Holding my baby is the best drug in the world.

I only remember a few things about Jimmy Carter. He had big lips and liked peanuts. I now know that Jimmy Carter was and is a good man.

Drugs are bad for you. They will fuck you up.

I didn’t find any of the girls in my high school attractive at all.

I never wanted to sing. I just wanted to play rhythm guitar – hide in the back and just play.

I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then a classic case of divorce really affected me.

I want to do something different, really different, and if it alienates people that’s too bad.

I just hope I don’t become so blissful I become boring. I think I’ll always be neurotic enough to do something weird.

Oh well, whatever, nevermind.

Here we are now, entertain us.

Humans are stupid. I’m ashamed to be human.

If you’re really a mean person you’re going to come back as a fly and eat poop.

I like to make people feel happy and superior in their reaction towards my appearance.

Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so let’s all get wasted and have the time of our lives.

There are a lot of things I wish I would have done, instead of just sitting around and complaining about having a boring life.

I am not gay, although I wish I were, just to piss off homophobes.