The best revenge is living well.
JERRY SEINFELDWhen you’ve been in the business 5-years, as a person, it’s like you’re 5-years old – like a child. 10-years and you’re 10-years old, 20… Etcetera. That’s how I measure maturity in this industry.
More Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
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Once you start doing only what you’ve already proven you can do, you’re on the road to death.
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I was the best man at the wedding… If I’m the best man, why is she marrying him?
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Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there’s no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
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I can’t go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
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Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later; it’s a relic.
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The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I’m like Grace Jones to them. “This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where’s the wife jokes, where’s the fat jokes?”
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I am so busy doing nothing… that the idea of doing anything – which as you know, always leads to something – cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.
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If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don’t you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
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Magazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on ‘How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?
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That’s why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
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See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don’t know how to hold the reservation and that’s really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.
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Surveys show that the #1 fear of Americans is public speaking. #2 is death. That means that at a funeral, the average American would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.
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There’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
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The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it’s so much fun.
JERRY SEINFELD