There’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
JERRY SEINFELDWhen you’ve been in the business 5-years, as a person, it’s like you’re 5-years old – like a child. 10-years and you’re 10-years old, 20… Etcetera. That’s how I measure maturity in this industry.
More Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
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[I like to] engage with funny people, or weird people, or, you know, kind of off people. [Whereas when I meet] anybody who’s … normal … I’m not curious, I’m not interested.
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I am so busy doing nothing… that the idea of doing anything – which as you know, always leads to something – cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.
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Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets.
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I was the best man at the wedding… If I’m the best man, why is she marrying him?
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Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there’s no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
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Once you start doing only what you’ve already proven you can do, you’re on the road to death.
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I can’t go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
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There are more social skills required to talk one-on-one [than to an audience]. You don’t have to be socially fluid to talk to two thousand people.
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If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don’t you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
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You know the message you’re sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You’re telling the world, ‘I give up. I can’t compete in normal society. I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.
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I’ve been car crazy my whole life, since I was nine years old. It’s just something I’m very aware of.
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Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you’re comfortable with.
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That’s why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
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See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don’t know how to hold the reservation and that’s really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.
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I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you’ll hit it.
JERRY SEINFELD