There are more social skills required to talk one-on-one [than to an audience]. You don’t have to be socially fluid to talk to two thousand people.
JERRY SEINFELDWhen you’ve been in the business 5-years, as a person, it’s like you’re 5-years old – like a child. 10-years and you’re 10-years old, 20… Etcetera. That’s how I measure maturity in this industry.
More Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
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If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
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I am so busy doing nothing… that the idea of doing anything – which as you know, always leads to something – cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.
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If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don’t you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
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See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don’t know how to hold the reservation and that’s really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.
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I was the best man at the wedding… If I’m the best man, why is she marrying him?
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Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there’s no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
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The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it’s so much fun.
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I’ve been car crazy my whole life, since I was nine years old. It’s just something I’m very aware of.
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I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you’ll hit it.
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Pain is usually represented by lightning attacking the guy. Glowing redness is also popular. Sometimes parts of the guy would just burst into flames.
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There’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
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That’s why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
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Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later; it’s a relic.
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The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I’m like Grace Jones to them. “This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where’s the wife jokes, where’s the fat jokes?”
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I can’t go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
JERRY SEINFELD