“Where the law ends tyranny begins.”

Good writers will, indeed, do well to imitate the ingenious traveller, who always proportions his stay in any place.

There is scarcely any man, how much soever he may despise the character of a flatterer, but will condescend in the meanest manner to flatter himself.

Life may as properly be called an art as any other.

Let no man be sorry he has done good, because others have done evil.

A rich man without charity is a rogue; and perhaps it would be no difficult matter to prove that he is also a fool.

There is nothing so useful to man in general, nor so beneficial to particular societies and individuals, as trade. This is that alma mater, at whose plentiful breast all mankind are nourished.

Success is a fruit of slow growth.

Now in reality, the world has paid too great a compliment to critics, and has imagined them to be men of much greater profundity than they really are.

A beau is everything of a woman but the sex, and nothing of a man beside it.

Adversity is the trial of principle. Without it, a man hardly knows whether he is honest or not.

Never trust the man who has reason to suspect that you know he hath injured you.

What is commonly called love, namely the desire of satisfying a voracious appetite with a certain quantity of delicate white human flesh.

LOVE: A word properly applied to our delight in particular kinds of food; sometimes metaphorically spoken of the favorite objects of all our appetites.

The highest friendship must always lead us to the highest pleasure.

The greatest part of mankind labor under one delirium or another; and Don Quixote differed from the rest, not in madness, but the species of it. The covetous, the prodigal, the superstitious, the libertine, and the coffee-house politician, are all Quixotes in their several ways.

A man may go to heaven with half the pains it cost him to purchase hell.

The beginning is the promise of the end.

People are beginning to see that the first requisite to success in life is to be a good animal.

As warmth makes even glaciers trickle, and opens streams in the ribs of frozen mountains, so the heart knows the full flow and life of its grief only when it begins to melt and pass away.

Where poverty ceases, avarice begins.

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I’m beginning to believe it.

I think there’s a percentage that don’t realize, that don’t know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It’s more of a it’s not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.

It’s not the end. It’s the beginning.

Where choice begins, Paradise ends, innocence ends, for what is Paradise but the absence of any need to choose this action?