“There is not in the universe a more ridiculous, nor a more contemptible animal, than a proud clergyman.”

A truly elegant taste is generally accompanied with excellency of heart.

It is much easier to make good men wise, than to make bad men good.

It may be laid down as a general rule, that no woman who hath any great pretensions to admiration is ever well pleased in a company where she perceives herself to fill only the second place.

Dancing begets warmth, which is the parent of wantonness. It is, Sir, the great grandfather of cuckoldom.

Wicked companions invite us to hell.

To the composition of novels and romances, nothing is necessary but paper, pens, and ink, with the manual capacity of using them.

It hath been often said, that it is not death, but dying, which is terrible.

He grew weary of this condescension, and began to treat the opinions of his wife with that haughtiuess and insolence, which none but those who deserve some contempt themselves can bestow, and those only who deserve no contempt can bear.

Domestic happiness is the end of almost all our pursuits, and the common reward of all our pains. When men find themselves forever barred from this delightful fruition, they are lost to all industry, and grow careless of all their worldly affairs. Thus they become bad subjects, bad relations, bad friends, and bad men.

Money is the fruit of evil, as often as the root of it.

We endeavor to conceal our vices under the disguise of the opposite virtues.

O innocence, how glorious and happy a portion art thou to the breast that possesses thee! thou fearest neither the eyes nor the tongues of men. Truth, the most powerful of all things, is thy strongest friend; and the brighter the light is in which thou art displayed, the more it discovers thy transcendent beauties.

Nothing more aggravates ill success than the near approach of good.

Some virtuous women are too liberal in their insults to a frail sister; but virtue can support itself without borrowing any assistance from the vices of other women.

All nature wears one universal grin.

Good writers will, indeed, do well to imitate the ingenious traveller, who always proportions his stay in any place.

Butterflies and birds are like one perfect teaspoon of creation.

Orcas are my spirit animal. That’s my favorite mammal.

You can get the monkey off your back, but the circus never leaves town.

I write many essays on whales. I love whales, especially orcas. And dolphins.

They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.

Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.

I think that what one can see from a Darwinian account is how the addition of culture in our species turns us into a very special sort of animal, an animal that can be a moral agent in a way that no other animal can be.

I turned down Prince William’s invitation for me to sing at his birthday bash because he was spearing animals in Africa and bringing publicity to it, and I thought that was pretty disgusting!