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When there’s time for whistling, there’s a lot of time on a show.

Ellen DeGeneres

I put a basketball in front of George Clooney’s door and sprayed it with supermodel perfume to lure him out.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Basketball Doors Perfume Spray
I just like observing people – it’s something I’ve done ever since I was a kid, and I got really good at it. That’s a big part of why I became a comedian. My audience is filled with every kind of person you can imagine, and I love that.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Comedians Kids People
So be who you really are. Embrace who you are. Literally. Hug yourself. Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Hug Killers Serial Killer
In the beginning there was nothing. God said, ‘Let there be light!’ And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Funny Humor Inspirational
I believe one day a ‘ban on gay marriage’ will sound totally ridiculous. In the meantime, I will continue to speak out for equality for all of us.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Believe Gay Out Speaks
All the commercials on TV today are for antidepressants, for Prozac or Paxil. And they get you right away. “Are you sad? Do you get stressed, do you have anxiety?” “Yes, I have all those things! I’m alive!”
ELLEN DEGENERES

Anxiety Funny Humor
Do we have to know who’s gay and who’s straight? Can’t we just love everybody and judge them by the car they drive?
ELLEN DEGENERES

Gay Hilarious Judging
You have to have funny faces and words, you can’t just have words. It is a powerful thing, and I think that’s why it’s hard for people to imagine that women can do that, be that powerful.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Funny Humor Powerful
I don’t pay attention to the number of birthdays. It’s weird when I say I’m 53. It just is crazy that I’m 53. I think I’m very immature. I feel like a kid. That’s why my back goes out all the time, because I completely forget I can’t do certain things anymore – like doing the plank for 10 minutes.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Birthday Crazy Happy Kids
We’re just trying to find happiness in the bodies and minds we were given, like everyone else.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Finding Happiness Mind Trying
Be kind to one another. Bye, bye.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Another Bye Kind People
I cannot imagine not going home to animals. They are the closest thing to God. They don’t harbour resentment.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Animal Home Pet Resentment
It would be horrible to live with someone who didn’t like the same things you like.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Horrible Like Things
I don’t want to get the same looks I give people when they get on a plane holding a baby: “That’s a cute baby, just keep walking, keep walking, keep going, keep going.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Baby Cute Funny
Some of the most devastating things that happen to you will teach you the most
ELLEN DEGENERES

Devasting Happens Most Teach
Yeah I’m thirty-six, but on the show I’m thirty-two. Nobody wants to watch a thirty-six year old woman, so they decided to make me thirty-two. Much more appealing somehow.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Fake People Reality Years

When there’s time for whistling, there’s a lot of time on a show.

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When there’s time for whistling, there’s a lot of time on a show.

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Popular Authors

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