“I’m not a drunk anymore, but since they cut out my tongue, I sound drunk.”

Best believe that needle hurt you Best to see these true colors Than follow one of your false virtues A little secret to make you think: Why is the crazy stuff we never say, poetry in ink?

The name Van Halen, the family legacy, is going to go on long after I’m gone.

The piano is a universal instrument. If you start there, learn your theory and how to read, you can go on to any other instrument.

I boil the strings so they stretch.

There are really three parts to the creative process. First there is inspiration, then there is the execution, and finally there is the release.

The stainless-steel frets were a major breakthrough, because of the amount of playing and bending that I do. I have to get my guitars refretted every couple of months.

Rock stars come and go. Musicians play until they die.

I think Clapton is brilliant. He’s the only one who moved me. The only one who made me want to play the guitar.

Holdsworth is so damned good that I can’t cop anything. I can’t understand what he’s doing. I’ve got to do this [does two-hand tapping], whereas he’ll do it with one hand.

It’s always a Catch-22 situation. They hate you if you’re the same, and they hate you if you’re different.

I have selective hearing.

I’m writing, and just doing the same thing I always do.

Every song is like a kid. How can you have that many kids and have a favorite? Which one do I like to hang most with?

A good producer brings out the best in the artist he’s working with. You shouldn’t be able to listen to something and say, ‘So-and-so produced this album.

You only have 12 notes. Do what you want with them.

I’m the one in the band that said I’m not going on tour unless we do a record.

I’m drinking doubles now that you’re running around single again.

The Scriptures are shallow enough for a babe to come and drink without fear of drowning and deep enough for theologians to swim in without ever reaching the bottom.

My doctor tells me I should start slowing it down – but there are more old drunks than there are old doctors so let’s all have another round.

I’m not trying to be a big shot or anything like that, but I get my drinks half price.

Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.

My wife actually got worried about my drinking so much regular milk, you know, so she got me into rice milk and now soy milk, which I greatly enjoy. A soy mocha’s a fine thing.

She needs to have a few drinks and cry a little-then she’ll be perfect.

There are three intolerable things in life – cold coffee, lukewarm champagne, and overexcited women.