“It is bigotry for public schools to teach only one theory of origins.”

I am a friend of the working man, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.

Some of you say religion makes people happy. So does laughing gas.

There are a lot of myths which make the human race cruel and barbarous and unkind. Good and Evil, Sin and Crime, Free Will and the like delusions made to excuse God for damning men and to excuse men for crucifying each other.

The origin of the absurd idea of immortal life is easy to discover; it is kept alive by hope and fear, by childish faith, and by cowardice.

Any one who thinks is an agnostic about something, otherwise he must believe that he is possessed of all knowledge. And the proper place for such a person is in the madhouse or the home for the feeble-minded.

The only real lawyers are trial lawyers, and trial lawyers try cases to juries.

Never forget, almost every case has been won or lost when the jury is sworn.

The truth is that brains have little to do with either the making or accumulating of money.

The difference between the child and the man lies chiefly in the unlimited confidence and buoyancy of youth.

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I’m beginning to believe it.

Chase after the truth like all hell.

Anyone can spot a lie, unless he is in need of that lie.

Wars always bring about a conservative reaction. They overwhelm and destroy patient and careful efforts to improve the condition of man.

I don’t believe in God because I don’t believe in Mother Goose.

My constitution was destroyed long ago; now I am living under the bylaws.

Chloroform unfit children. Show them the same mercy that is shown beasts that are no longer fit to live.

It is best to know the worst at once.

The ambitious will always be first in the crowd; he presseth forward, he looketh not behind him. More anguish is it to his mind to see one before him, than joy to leave thousands at a distance.

One believes in what one wants to believe in.

By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.

Of my friends I am the only one left.

The greatest battles we’ll ever face are the ones no one sees.

That man is worthless who knows how to receive a favor, but not how to return one.

It is not without a purpose when a rich man greets a poor one with kindness.