“It is never too late to go quietly to our lakes, rivers, oceans, even our small streams, and say to the sea gulls, the great blue herons, the bald eagles, the salmon, that we are sorry.”

Because animals seem to dwell in the present moment, because their own presence is so instinctive, their attention so unwavering, the offer us a different kind of compassion than humans do. Anyone is lucky to have both human and animal comfort in their lives.

No, I don’t do drugs anymore, either. But I’ll tell you something about drugs. I used to do drugs, but I’ll tell you something honestly about drugs, honestly, and I know it’s not a very popular idea, you don’t hear it very often anymore, but it is the truth,

Football is a fertility festival. Eleven sperm trying to get into the egg. I feel sorry for the goalkeeper.

I don’t need the approval of the press, but I just wish they’d stop the viciousness….I never felt sorry for people like Lindsay Lohan in my life. I thought they were dopey little movie stars. Now I feel sorry for those people.

I don’t enjoy watching people fail, but I don’t feel sorry for them when they fail crossing my path, that I love.

Suddenly, in the space of a moment, I realized what it was that I loved about Britain – which is to say, all of it.

I had a great time doing drugs. Sorry. Never murdered anyone, never robbed anyone, never raped anyone, never beat anyone, never lost a job, a car, a house, a wife or kids, laughed my ass off, and went about my day.

And before long there will be no more milk in bottles delivered to the doorstep or sleepy rural pubs, and the countryside will be mostly shopping centers and theme parks.

I’m sorry, this is too much work, I’m going to try applying for call center jobs. The pay is better.’