“There ain’t a woman in the world that wants to hear the word yes when she asks if you think that she looks chubby in that dress. And if she cooks all day you better eat it with a smile; it doesn’t matter if it tastes just like bad gravy on a Goodyear tire.”

I try to write like the writers I admire – I rip them off in form. It comes from George Strait and Merle Haggard records, and country music in general is really good at that, the twisted phrase… So Im always looking for that angle in my own work.

I ruined my health drinking to other people’s.

The nice thing about the world that I’ve been able to inhabit for the last couple of years is that I’m given a lot of freedom. Not all artists really get that.

It comes down to building your own world out here on the road. It’s who you surround yourself with. My band and crew are really positive guys.

I get to cry to Barbara Walters, when things don’t go my way. I’ll get community service no matter which laws I break.

When they say you’re the best, I always remember that the majority of the audience probably thinks someone else should have gotten the award.

Someday I’m gonna be famous. Do I have talent, well, no. These days you really don’t need it.

Guitar playing isn’t really for everybody.

Rock Band never got anybody a date. Never.

I can fall in and out of love, have marriages that barely last a month. When they go down the drain, I’ll blame it on the fame.

There are vogues and fashions in jurisprudence as in literature and art and dress.

Just to see what a pink dress can mean to a woman, any woman, but a disabled woman, that’s extra special and thrilling because they shouldn’t be separated and their disabilities don’t have to separate them in anyway.

I hate to say it, but the truth is that the upscale line is where I get respect as a designer. The higher the price range, the higher the respect level from the industry, even though it’s much easier to make a great $500 dress than a great $100 dress.

A woman who has style doesn’t necessarily need designers – designer wear. A woman who has style can put on any frock or dress or pant or whatever and still bring something to it.

If they [at the audition] don’t like the way you sound they won’t buy you anyway, ripped dress or no ripped dress, ass hanging out or no ass hanging out.

I want to have fun. Life ain’t no dress rehearsal. I want to have fun. I’m a comedian; I ain’t no politician. So everything I do is with humor, with love.

The way you dress is the billboard that tells perceptive people how you feel about yourself.

One of the most courageous things we do is change. If everyone says you’re wonderful every time you wear a red dress, and you change to yellow, that takes courage.