“The best thing you can do is work on your personality because we’re all gonna get ugly.”

Maybe without me, there wouldn’t be Adam Lambert. Without Bowie, there wouldn’t be me. Without Quentin Crisp, there wouldn’t have been Bowie. So everything is part of a big daisy chain.

I would rather have a cup of tea than sex.

[Arnold Schwarzenegger] is really good at [‘The New Celebrity Apprentice’ show]. Totally different energy to our potential president, but he’s cool.

The problem with being on the road – especially in a hot place like Florida – is that you can begin to think you’re on holiday.

I don’t get all this Speedo stuff actually, I mean, whatever happened to the feather boa?

You find out so many interesting things when you’re not on drugs.

The Democratic party of Florida has put a temperance plank in its platform and the Republican party of every state would nail that plank in their platform if they thought it would carry the election.

This is the wonderful truth, my dear friends: the Word, which became flesh two thousand years ago, is present today in the Eucharist

For me with “The Apprentice,” it kind of blew out my business brain. I don’t really think of myself as a business person.

I’m always tweeting about food and things that I’ve made.

Beethoven had a great look. It was very much about the drama of appearance.

You get older and you suddenly realize the only person you’re in competition with is yourself.

Part of me looks at the gay movement now and worries that we’re losing our individuality.

A lot of people come up to me all the time and say thank you for helping me be who I am. So my thing wasn’t just about sexuality. It was about anyone who felt different; anyone who felt out of place. Being gay was one part of it.

Whenever there’s an interview with me, I might read it, but I don’t read the comments because they’re so hateful sometimes.

And being gay isn’t so easy, either I’ve always said that if anyone ever thought I was straight they must need glasses – but when I finally came out and said, “Yes, I do sleep with men and I’m gay,” yeah, I lost record sales. There’s no question – big, big time.

My best friend and I love to make fish faces.

The fact is that this conversation is going on at every level at every age, we’re all going, “God, what a jerk I’ve been,” “How could I have married that guy?” or “How could I have done this or that?” With time, this is the gift of being older, that you get to look back and say, “It wasn’t all about them.”

My heart pounded. I felt flushed with disgust and irritation. Why must I always have such obstacles to my writing?

I’m not concentrated or concerned with any other factors rather than just being able to do the best job that I can.

If I make a priority shift, I’ll make it because it’s best for me.

The best ideas must move you before they can move someone else.

Patrice O’Neal is the best comic I ever saw.

The best teacher is an entertainer.