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I lead a life of blameless domesticity and always have done.

Boris Johnson

Since January 1993 there have been 27 other countries not in the EU that have done better than the UK at exporting goods into the single market.
BORIS JOHNSON

Country Done January
It was the kind of blind, gulping, insensate greed that you associate with some milk-eyed creature in a volcanic fissure at the bottom of the Marianas Trench-an organism with no understanding of the existence, let alone the feelings, of other members of the ecosystem.
BORIS JOHNSON

Blind Creature Ecosystem Existence Kind Member
London is the sporting capital of the world. I say to the Chinese and I say to the world, ping pong is coming home.
BORIS JOHNSON

Capital Home Myself Sports World
What makes the achievements of communist Russia so special and different, that you can simper around in a CCCP T-shirt, while anyone demented enough to wear anything commemorating the Third Reich would be speedily banged away under the 1986 Public Order Act?
BORIS JOHNSON

Achievement Commemorating Country Demented Wear
It is easy to make promises – it is hard work to keep them.
BORIS JOHNSON

Easy Hard Work Promise
It is just flipping unbelievable. He is a mixture of Harry Houdini and a greased piglet. He is barely human in his elusiveness. Nailing Blair is like trying to pin jelly to a wall.
BORIS JOHNSON

Appearance Believe Flip Human Wall
I don’t believe that economic equality is possible; indeed some measure of inequality is essential for the spirit of envy and keeping up with the Joneses that is, like greed, a valuable spur to economic activity.
BORIS JOHNSON

Believe Economy Equality Essential Myself Possible Value
Nothing excites compassion, in friend and foe alike, as much as the sight of you ker-splonked on the Tarmac with your propeller buried six feet under.
BORIS JOHNSON

Compassion Feet Sight
People are woefully underestimating this country and what it can achieve.
BORIS JOHNSON

Achievement Country People
I have come to the conclusion that Tony Blair has finally gone mad … he made assertions that are so jaw-droppingly and breathtakingly at variance with reality that he surely needs professional psychiatric help.
BORIS JOHNSON

Conclusion Mad Need Professional Reality
Nothing excites compassion, in friend and foe alike, as much as the sight of you ker-splonked on the Tarmac with your propeller buried six feet under.
BORIS JOHNSON

Compassion Excitement Sight
When Cameron’s Conservatives come to power it will be a golden age for cyclists and an Elysium of cycle lanes, bike racks, and sharia law for bike thieves. And I hope that cycling in London will become almost Chinese in its ubiquity.
BORIS JOHNSON

Conservatism Cycle Gold Power
My chances of being PM are about as good as the chances of finding Elvis on Mars, or my being reincarnated as an olive.
BORIS JOHNSON

Mars Olive Pms Trees
It is said that the Queen has come to love the Commonwealth, partly because it supplies her with regular cheering crowds of flag-waving picaninnies; and one can imagine that Blair, twice victor abroad but enmired at home, is similarly seduced by foreign politeness.
BORIS JOHNSON

Cheer Fall Queens
All the people I talk to, increasingly, can see that the emperor has got no clothes. The case for leaving [the EU] is now overwhelming.
BORIS JOHNSON

Clothes Leaving People
Churchill decides from very early on that he will create a political position that is somehow above left and right, embodying the best points of both sides and thereby incarnating the will of the nation.
BORIS JOHNSON

Men Political Thinking
My ideal world is, we’re there, we’re in the EU, trying to make it better.
BORIS JOHNSON

Ideals Trying World
I dont see why people are so snooty about Channel Five. It has some respectable documentaries about the Second World War. It also devotes considerable airtime to investigations into lap-dancing, and other related and vital subjects
BORIS JOHNSON

Dancing People War
Churchill knew instinctively what was wrong with communism – that it repressed liberty; that it replaced individual discretion with state control; that it entailed the curtailment of democracy, and therefore that it was tyrannous.
BORIS JOHNSON

Communism Democracy Replacement Tyranny Wrong
I want you to know that I have nothing against Orlando, though you are, of course, far more likely to get shot or robbed there than in London.
BORIS JOHNSON

Enemy Myself Rival
Voting Tory will cause your wife to have bigger breasts and increase your chances of owning a BMW M3.
BORIS JOHNSON

Chance Reason Vote Wife Yourself
Humanity would have plunged into a new dark age of absolutely frightening and appalling characteristics without Churchill.
BORIS JOHNSON

Age Character Darkness Humanity
But if people want to swim in the Thames, if they want to take their lives into their own hands, then they should be able to do so with all the freedom and exhilaration of our woad-painted ancestors.
BORIS JOHNSON

Hands People Swim
I think the risks that people see of terrorism are incredibly important but we are very confident we have got the right people on it and the risks have been minimised.
BORIS JOHNSON

People Risk Thinking
I lead a life of blameless domesticity and always have done.
BORIS JOHNSON

Blame Leadership Life Myself
I think it’d be disgraceful if a chap wasn’t allowed to have a bit of fun in Las Vegas. The real scandal would be if you went to Vegas and you didn’t misbehave in some trivial way.
BORIS JOHNSON

Allow Behave Grace Reality Way
I cant remember what my line on drugs is. Whats my line on drugs?
BORIS JOHNSON

Drugs Line Myself

I lead a life of blameless domesticity and always have done.

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I lead a life of blameless domesticity and always have done.

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