“When I first started doing stand-up, I would be so nervous that I would just binge drink really heavily right before my sets, and as you can imagine, that had its drawbacks. But now I’m a professional, so I pace myself throughout the day.”

My sister is also retarded. Across the board. She’s a one hundred per cent, honest to goodness, born that way retard.

If you enjoy shaming people, I suggest dentistry as a profession.

Well I grew up in Canada in a really small town. We didn’t have running water for a long time and we didn’t have TV. Then when we did get TV we only had one channel.