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Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

Bob Monkhouse

When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?
BOB MONKHOUSE

Boards Drawing Inventor
I know I’m a sinner, but make me a winner!
BOB MONKHOUSE

Knows Sinner Winner
I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Clubs Home Real
I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Sex
I’d never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny House Marriage Wife
Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Silence
Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!
BOB MONKHOUSE

College Funny Humor
My wife said, ‘Can my mother come down for the weekend?’ So I said, ‘Why?’ And she said, ‘Well, she’s been up on the roof two weeks already.’
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Love Mother
I saw a specialist who asked me ‘Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?’. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Phrases Saws Thinking
With my wife it was sex, sex, sex…Yes, three times in 35 years.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Sex Wife Years
I’ll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven’t done something even mildly creative.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Creative Done Want
My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Wife
My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Father Funny Humor
I got my start in silent radio.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Radio
A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot’s ribs and demanded: ‘Take me to the canaries’.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Cat Funny Humor
What do gardeners do when they retire?
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Retirement

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

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Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

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Popular Authors

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