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1. black
2. grey
3. blue
4. red
5. brown
6. white

I mean, yeah, I want to lose some weight! I’m doing the best I can.

Billy Gardell

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More Billy Gardell Quotes

• 

  And then as I got older, see, I think a lot of times with comics, your life kind of permeates your act.

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• 

  Whatever is happening in your life is what’s going on on stage. So if you’re angry in your life, then that’s going to be on stage. If you’re looking for the guy that’s just going to make you laugh for an hour and forget about, that’s me.

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• 

  No one wants to see someone talk who takes themselves too seriously.

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  Everybody wants to be a better version of themselves – everybody. And I hope one day I can lose some weight.

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  I like those older theaters – the acoustics are perfect, I mean, you just have that feel of there’s been a thousand shows in there and now you get to be one.

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• 

  Look, you know, you can’t please everybody. I’m a stand-up comic. I know that. It doesn’t matter how funny you are and how well you do, there’s two people that are going to walk out of there hating you.

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• 

  The quickest way to defuse fear or insecurity or anger is usually humor. I think comics figure that out quickly, and, once you figure it out, you think, ‘Hey, if I can do this and get paid, that would be kind of cool.

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• 

  Whenever I realize I’m being a goofball, I write it down. When I release the joke onstage, I love watching the effect it has on the audience.

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• 

  You need a wisecracking buddy standing next to you? That’s the role for me. You got the guys who are knock-down, drag-out handsome. That’s what people want to see. Let that guy be the hero. But there’s always a role for the Everyman.

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• 

  As a comic, I’ve heard gunshots while I’m trying to get to sleep. I’ve performed where people wanted to do you harm after the show because of something you said.

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• 

  I mean, yeah, I want to lose some weight! I’m doing the best I can.

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• 

  Maybe, who knows, I’ll hire myself a trainer and a fancy cook. In five years, maybe I’ll be an action hero. Then again, maybe I’ll just be this guy. Who knows? But the fun part is embracing the human side of that.

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• 

  I chewed up a lot of Florida highway when I was starting out. Used to come to Tampa two or three times a year for about 10 years straight.

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• 

  I’m always the last one to the party, man. But that’s okay. I got there.

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• 

  Getting to do my stand-up the way I have this summer is really what I’ve dreamed of since I was about 10 years old.

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• 

  I’ve been trying to watch my weight a bit, but when I come to Las Vegas, all bets are off. I get enough healthy food in L.A. where the food is the size of a quarter and costs $40 – when I’m in Vegas, I want a steak!

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