“That’s my advice to all homosexuals, whether they’re in the Boy Scouts, or in the Army or in high school: Shut up, don’t tell anybody what you do, your life will be a lot easier.”

I would decriminalize marijuana, but you step out of your house high and you bother somebody else in any way, shape or form, I’m going to slap a fine on you that’s going to curl your hair!

I used to be a wicked disco guy.

When I die, I don’t want my demise to be used as a political rally, and that’s what happened yesterday.

Jobs that cannot be delivered must never be promised. It’s unfair to raise people’s hopes that way.

President Ted Cruz is going to send the feds to his house, take him out and put him on a plane.

Now everybody’s paying higher premiums and more deductibles that’s coming out of working people’s pockets and that’s one of the reasons that his legacy has been refuted.

They established their patriotic credentials long ago, and are either supportive of the Bush agenda or know when to keep their traps shut.

Tide comes in, tide goes out, you can’t explain it!

Look, I debate for a living so I don’t need to learn any lessons from amateurs.

We told you this would happen, if gay marriage is legalized, then much chaos would follow.

I’ve done more for the 9/11 families, by their own admission, I’ve done more for them than you will ever hope to do so you keep your mouth shut.

I submit that President Obama and all the democrat politicians that voted for Obamacare never even read the proposed law.

You must set a goal and win in the marketplace no matter what the air temperature. You must pay the price for success.

You have to reject that, and it doesn’t seem–and I’m broadly speaking here, but a lot of African-Americans won’t reject it

You could put on monkeys jumping up and down and get bigger numbers than MSNBC.

So every predator in the world is gonna pick that up at two in the morning. She’s walking by herself on the West Side Highway, and she gets picked up by a thug. All right. Now she’s out of her mind, drunk.

I’ll confess right here that I secretly wish I’d have drawn a strip about a little boy with a fake tiger, going for adventures throughout the universe in spaceships of his imagination.

Give a boy a dog and you’ve furnished him a playmate.

What a child does not know and does not want to know of race and colour and class, he learns soon enough as he grows to see each man flipped inexorably into some predestined groove like a penny or a sovereign in a banker’s rack. Kibii, the Nandi boy, was my good friend.

Prior to being mugged I did not feel I had to carry a gun. However, I knew how to shoot a gun very proficiently. As a boy, I used to play cowboys and Indians all the time.

I was the boy that turned a girlfriend into the most celebrated lesbian on television. I got so much stick for that.

I would never let a white boy beat me. You can print that. I would never lose to a white person.

When beggars and shoeshine boys, barbers and beauticians can tell you how to get rich it is time to remind yourself that there is no more dangerous illusion than the belief that one can get something for nothing.

When you are no longer a boy, you have to be tough.