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I just do my act. If people in England don’t get my joke I make fun of myself for telling it.

Bill Burr

The greatest comebacks ever – watching [Donald Trump] get the nomination for the Republican Party is the most astounding thing I’ve ever seen.
BILL BURR

Astounding Ever Greatest Republican Seen
I started having a panic attack seeing my name in that list of people. It was pretty overwhelming.
BILL BURR

Attack Overwhelming Panic Sudden
I’m like that loud guy in the bar, who kind of makes sense for about ten minutes, and then you realise he flunked everything at high school so you just laugh at him.
BILL BURR

Everything Flunked High Minutes School Taught
It was right after 9/11 and I decided to walk around the grounds of the Pentagon, because I had never been there.
BILL BURR

Golf Thinking Yelling
I’m not going to lie. I am a psycho. Luckily, I get most of it out on stage.
BILL BURR

Lying Psycho Stage
I used to always work in, like, warehouses, because if my boss gave me a rough time, I could just get on a forklift and just, like, drive away from him.
BILL BURR

Boss Rough Times Used
We need a plague. It’s gotta happen. And don’t worry, it’s only gonna kill the weak. Seriously. Put on a sweater, take some vitamins, you’re gonna be fine! We gotta let mother nature do her thing, man. She keeps trying to help us out and we won’t let her do it.
BILL BURR

Men Mother Sweaters
Being a stand-up comic, this isn’t a stepping-stone for me; it’s what I do, and this is what I’m always going to do. And even if I do a TV show, the only reasons to do a TV show is to get more people to know me to come out to my stand-up shows.
BILL BURR

People Shows Stones Television
Oh look, an ATM! Ok, here we go! I lost all my money, now what do I do? Get a gun! Rob a casino! Good idea! Look at all the lights! This is beautiful.
BILL BURR

Beautiful Gun Light
Any other town you go to there’s this little devil and a little angel on your shoulder.
BILL BURR

Angel Funny Vegas
I’ve actually expanded the amount of places that I go to because I want to see a bunch of stuff. You know, plan it as I can while I’m still young enough to travel.
BILL BURR

Amount Bunch Cities Enough Travel
I used to think you had to live this miserable life and that that would make you funnier, but you don’t. The misery will come. The misery will find you.
BILL BURR

Miserable Misery Thinking
I keep doing specials because I think there are a lot of people who make movies and TV who are fans of comedy – if they start to like you, they’ll get a project going and call you in.
BILL BURR

Fans People Thinking
Everyone should just drive out to the Mojave Desert and just experience it, and it’s a fun place to live.
BILL BURR

Desert Fun
I don’t think people know what hygienist means.
BILL BURR

Mean People Thinking
As a big music fan, England is an amazing place to go.
BILL BURR

Amazing Fans Places

I just do my act. If people in England don’t get my joke I make fun of myself for telling it.

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I just do my act. If people in England don’t get my joke I make fun of myself for telling it.

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Popular Authors

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