black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

I am so pro-swine flu… I want it. We need a plague. It’s got to happen; don’t be afraid. It’s only going to kill the weak.

Bill Burr

My neighbor’s not even listening to me. He’s all excited about some garden hose he bought at Brookstone. He’s convinced it was designed by NASA. “Actually, it’s got two nozzles, one for the hot and one for the…”
BILL BURR

Designed Funny Garden Nasa Two
Something that’s going to get the blood going. Or you can let those thoughts take you right down the rabbit hole.
BILL BURR

Issue Rabbit Role Something Though Women
Your twenties is all about taking your childhood out on everyone that you run into.
BILL BURR

Childhood Funny Running
Deny your emotions and act like you have answers
BILL BURR

Answers Emotion Like You
I just do my act. If people in England don’t get my joke I make fun of myself for telling it.
BILL BURR

Country Fun People
I do enjoy them. I get to meet the next generation of comics and help them out. Big comics doing small shows was something that used to happen a lot more back in the day. I wish there was more of that.
BILL BURR

Generations Next Wish
Don’t be a jerk to other comics and don’t let the business beat you down, stay positive and if you work your ass off you’re going to get somewhere.
BILL BURR

Ass Jerk Positive Stay
If this goes into sweatshop labor, I’m quitting this podcast.
BILL BURR

Labor Quitting Sweatshops
Let’s go to Brunch. What a great idea! Why would you want to sleep in on a Sunday when you can go pay $18 for eggs? Now, you’re thinking.
BILL BURR

Sleep Sunday Thinking
Being a comedian is an incredible thing, but it can be scary sometimes.
BILL BURR

Comedian Scary Sometimes
There’s no “brothers” when it comes to white people. We are just complete individuals. We don’t care about each other. He’s not my brother; my brother lives in Ohio – I don’t know that guy.
BILL BURR

Brother Funny
I’m like that loud guy in the bar, who kind of makes sense for about ten minutes, and then you realise he flunked everything at high school so you just laugh at him.
BILL BURR

Everything Flunked High Minutes School Taught
I wish they would teach it in schools: Give people the belief that they are going to do well. A lot of people are really talented and scared to follow their talent because you don’t know where it’s going.
BILL BURR

Giving People School
I don’t think people know what hygienist means.
BILL BURR

Mean People Thinking
I do my podcast on Mondays for a specific reason. A lot of people go to work and don’t like their jobs. If you give people something to laugh about, it’s good.
BILL BURR

Jobs Monday People
Carnegie Hall is as good as they say it is. It’s not like Stonehenge which looks great in books but then you go there and it’s a pile of rocks next to a highway. There’s actually a highway right next to it, but you don’t see that in pictures.
BILL BURR

Book Looks Rocks

I am so pro-swine flu… I want it. We need a plague. It’s got to happen; don’t be afraid. It’s only going to kill the weak.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

I am so pro-swine flu… I want it. We need a plague. It’s got to happen; don’t be afraid. It’s only going to kill the weak.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Bill Burr Quotes