It’s been a dream to work with Netflix because they don’t have any pressure from advertisers.
BILL BURRThe first guy who got Aids was a French flight attendant. How you like that Frenchie! You know when I come back and run for office, that may be the one that comes back and haunts me.
More Bill Burr Quotes
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Carnegie Hall is as good as they say it is. It’s not like Stonehenge which looks great in books but then you go there and it’s a pile of rocks next to a highway. There’s actually a highway right next to it, but you don’t see that in pictures.
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I cannot believe that [Donald Trump] is actually in the debates.
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We need a plague. It’s gotta happen. And don’t worry, it’s only gonna kill the weak. Seriously. Put on a sweater, take some vitamins, you’re gonna be fine! We gotta let mother nature do her thing, man. She keeps trying to help us out and we won’t let her do it.
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What are they worried about? Nobody ever walked into a show as a bleeding heart liberal and had a comedian undo 30 years of life experience.
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If I get married I get a tax break, if I have a kid I get a tax break, if I get a mortgage I get a tax break. I don’t have any kids and I drive a hybrid, I think I should get a tax break.
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I just do my act. If people in England don’t get my joke I make fun of myself for telling it.
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My favorite part of podcasting is running my mouth for an hour. The only time I dont like it is when Im off. Then that hour feels like a day and a half.
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If you try to deliver a funny line in a funny way, it comes out as wacky and you ruin the scene.
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I think I know how to raise a kid. You just play catch with ’em. You just talk about life, and you distract them by throwing the ball. They don’t even notice that you’re filling up their heads with your theories.
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I’m not going to lie. I am a psycho. Luckily, I get most of it out on stage.
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Any other town you go to there’s this little devil and a little angel on your shoulder.
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A lot of my fears and anxieties are the fears and anxieties of a six-year-old boy. When I finally confront them, they’re really small.
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Only an adult with dying dreams can appreciate how awesome it is to have a dog.
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London was like that too. It was that time of year when all the rich kids with the oil money have their cars shipped over.
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I was certified to take x-rays, but you can’t just show up and start cleaning people’s teeth.
BILL BURR