Only an adult with dying dreams can appreciate how awesome it is to have a dog.
BILL BURRLike when I finally got away from the east coast for a while, and I came back there was just this underlying anger that I never noticed before, because I was born there and just dropped right into it.
More Bill Burr Quotes
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You’ll be laying there fantasizing about sleeping on a futon. There’s no risk when you go after a dream. There’s a tremendous amount to risk to playing it safe.
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I used to think you had to live this miserable life and that that would make you funnier, but you don’t. The misery will come. The misery will find you.
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I used to always work in, like, warehouses, because if my boss gave me a rough time, I could just get on a forklift and just, like, drive away from him.
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I’m not easy to live with. My wife is a saint.
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Everyone should just drive out to the Mojave Desert and just experience it, and it’s a fun place to live.
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Like most comics, I tried to come up with a sitcom idea that was based around my life. And it didn’t work out. But maybe because it didn’t work out, that’s why I ended up on ‘Breaking Bad;’ I don’t know.
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I’m trying to pay off my apartment so I have something tangible. I actually figured out if I paid off my place my reward would be that I would pay an extra four grand a year in taxes.
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London was like that too. It was that time of year when all the rich kids with the oil money have their cars shipped over.
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I wish they would teach it in schools: Give people the belief that they are going to do well. A lot of people are really talented and scared to follow their talent because you don’t know where it’s going.
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If you’re on social media as a performer you can tell. If you don’t get any Tweets you know it’s bombed. I can pretty much gauge how it’s doing by comparing the reception to shows I’ve done that have actual ratings.
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You’re a kid, your whole life is awesome. It’s awesome, right? You had no money, no ID, no cell phone, no nothing, no keys to the house. You just ran outside into the woods. You weren’t scared of nothing. I challenge you to do that as an adult.
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I’ve had a great time on the road, I would say shooting guns with a silencer in Jacksonville, Fla.
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I’m one of those guys where you know, I’m 23 years into this and I love the road more than ever and rather than whittling down my schedule to just play the major cities.
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I love my dog. I hate bankers. I have issues with women. In my head, I’m a great guy.
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I don’t think people know what hygienist means.
BILL BURR








