I love my dog. I hate bankers. I have issues with women. In my head, I’m a great guy.
BILL BURREveryone should just drive out to the Mojave Desert and just experience it, and it’s a fun place to live.
More Bill Burr Quotes
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I am so pro-swine flu it’s – it’s like ridiculous.
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The greatest comebacks ever – watching [Donald Trump] get the nomination for the Republican Party is the most astounding thing I’ve ever seen.
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I love making movies, and being in any that I can be in. I’d like to be in those giant movies, as the fifth or sixth lead, and have three or four killer scenes. You don’t have the responsibility of the entire movie being on you. I like those roles. I’m shooting for the middle.
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I cannot believe that [Donald Trump] is actually in the debates.
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If this goes into sweatshop labor, I’m quitting this podcast.
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I’m not easy to live with. My wife is a saint.
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I think I know how to raise a kid. You just play catch with ’em. You just talk about life, and you distract them by throwing the ball. They don’t even notice that you’re filling up their heads with your theories.
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You know what a cubicle basically says? It basically says, like, ‘You know what? We don’t think you’re smart enough for an office, but we don’t want you to look at anybody.
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I’m trying to pay off my apartment so I have something tangible. I actually figured out if I paid off my place my reward would be that I would pay an extra four grand a year in taxes.
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When you say, “there’s no reason [to hit a woman]” that kills any examination as to how two people ended up at that place. When you say, “there’s no reason,” you cut out the build-up and you’re just left with the act. How you gonna solve it if you don’t figure it out?
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Something that’s going to get the blood going. Or you can let those thoughts take you right down the rabbit hole.
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I actually had the urge to elbow an elderly lady today.
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For aspiring comedians? Don’t listen to me. Just go on stage and do what you think is funny.
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I’ve found is that by doing stand-up, I’ve actually learned how to combat depression. I don’t have clinical, but I’ve definitely had my bouts with it. I just figured out that it’s a choice. Y
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I wish they would teach it in schools: Give people the belief that they are going to do well. A lot of people are really talented and scared to follow their talent because you don’t know where it’s going.
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