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I gotta be honest with you. Im kind of jealous of the way my dad gets to talk to my mom sometimes. Where are all those old-school women you can just take your day out on? When did they stop making those angels?

Bill Burr

Everyone should just drive out to the Mojave Desert and just experience it, and it’s a fun place to live.
BILL BURR

Desert Fun
You wanna know how you know you’re informed as a protestor? They don’t show your interview on TV.
BILL BURR

Interviews Television Shows
Let’s go to Brunch. What a great idea! Why would you want to sleep in on a Sunday when you can go pay $18 for eggs? Now, you’re thinking.
BILL BURR

Sleep Sunday Thinking
The first guy who got Aids was a French flight attendant. How you like that Frenchie! You know when I come back and run for office, that may be the one that comes back and haunts me.
BILL BURR

Guy Office Running
I have fun doing movies, I’ve had fun doing the animated show, and I certainly have fun doing standup. Even that, even though it’s just me talking, it’s also interaction with the crowd.
BILL BURR

Crowds Fun Talking
To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I’m just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again.
BILL BURR

Again Funny Opinion Talking Yelling
I bet The Walking Dead gets really low ratings out in Montana, just because all they need to do is look out their f-king window, am I right?
BILL BURR

Dead Kings Needs Walking
Only an adult with dying dreams can appreciate how awesome it is to have a dog.
BILL BURR

Appreciate Dog Dream
Oh look, an ATM! Ok, here we go! I lost all my money, now what do I do? Get a gun! Rob a casino! Good idea! Look at all the lights! This is beautiful.
BILL BURR

Beautiful Gun Light
I am so pro-swine flu it’s – it’s like ridiculous.
BILL BURR

Flu Ridiculous Swine
Any other town you go to there’s this little devil and a little angel on your shoulder.
BILL BURR

Angel Funny Vegas
I think I know how to raise a kid. You just play catch with ’em. You just talk about life, and you distract them by throwing the ball. They don’t even notice that you’re filling up their heads with your theories.
BILL BURR

Filling Kids Thinking
I used to think you had to live this miserable life and that that would make you funnier, but you don’t. The misery will come. The misery will find you.
BILL BURR

Miserable Misery Thinking
It’s been a dream to work with Netflix because they don’t have any pressure from advertisers.
BILL BURR

Dream Netflix Pressure
Being a comedian is an incredible thing, but it can be scary sometimes.
BILL BURR

Comedian Scary Sometimes
I was in NYC during 9/11; it happened on a Tuesday, I was on stage Thursday. It was a small crowd, but it took about 10 days and comedy clubs were packed.
BILL BURR

Crowds Happened Tuesday

I gotta be honest with you. Im kind of jealous of the way my dad gets to talk to my mom sometimes. Where are all those old-school women you can just take your day out on? When did they stop making those angels?

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I gotta be honest with you. Im kind of jealous of the way my dad gets to talk to my mom sometimes. Where are all those old-school women you can just take your day out on? When did they stop making those angels?

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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