“I am not today, nor have I ever been a Jew, and as a matter of fact, I am uncircumcised.”

I used to think masturbation was not really sex because it only involved me. That’s a very limited view of human sexuality, and it isn’t going to work for women.

There are two types of pain: pain that hurts you and pain that changes you.

The person whose face is between your legs is gonna get lockjaw.

It was easy to leave the art world after I found out that it was just another corporation. When they told me I had to create the same thing, I rebelled.

I think my poems are slightly underrated by the word accessible.

It’s very hard for a man to ask questions about sex. The smart ones do.

Masturbation is our first and natural form of sexual activity and if that’s inhibited or damaged, then we suffer for the rest of our lives.

I did large drawings of couples having sex! Men and woman enjoying intercourse and oral sex in a Madison Avenue Gallery? That was the first time I broke a barrier that made me think, some idiot is going to blow my brains out for sure.

Not all women are going to get married, be monogamous and raise a family. It will destroy the current social structure based on a sexual double standard that we’re currently living under.

The galleries are simply corporations in the art world – “Here’s a million dollars for this latest piece of crap” – but I’m not about to go along with the gallery system.

A monogamous marriage and family is what some women want – but not all of us. We are mostly doing serial monogamy anyway.

I consider myself a lesbian, but I’m a bisexual lesbian.

Instead of being a well-known painter, I became everybody’s favorite dirty joke. Come to think of it, teaching masturbation skills is pretty weird.

We are constantly protecting the male ego, and it’s a disservice to men. If a man has any sensitivity or intelligence, he wants to get the straight scoop from his girlfriend.

We all have our individual romantic or idealistic ideas. To get information that masturbation is our basic form of sex is hard, because who wants to admit they’re masturbating?

The media only wants to get the view of the flaming radicals because they make better copy than those of us who are more sensible. I’m a feminist and I think I’ve done a lot of good.

The will of God is exactly what we would do if we knew all the facts.

If comedy is about surprises, about tension, there’s a lot of tension and surprise there, in the fact that people are expecting this to be natural.

They thought they were Mick Jagger and Jerry Hall. In fact, they were more like Tom and Jerry

The really authentic thing about humor is that anyone can pretend to be serious. Anyone who’s ever had a job – in fact, we’re pretending to be serious now, more or less.

The successful memoirist [blogger] respects facts, uses them accurately, rigorously represses the human impulse to lie or embellish, but knows that truth is both different from facts and greater than facts, and not always their sum.

Complicated lives and heaps of possessions don’t necessarily bring happiness; in fact, they can bring the opposite.

Blues is a natural fact, is something that a fellow lives. If you don’t live it you don’t have it.

Round about the accredited and orderly facts of every science there ever floats a sort of dustcloud of exceptional observations, of occurrences minute and irregular and seldom met with, which it always proves more easy to ignore than to attend to.