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I haven’t left my house in days. I watch the news channels incessantly. All the news stories are about the election; all the commercials are Viagra and Cialis. Election, erection, election, erection! Either way we’re screwed!

Bette Midler

Here I am, one of the most colorful women of my time – if not of my block – being made to sound positively legumelike in printed interviews.
BETTE MIDLER

Block Positively Sound
When I turned 50, I threw myself a big birthday party, and I looked seriously at what my life has been about. I recommend this to everybody. Ask yourself, “What have I done? How did I do it? Where’d I mess up?
BETTE MIDLER

Assessment Land Party
It’s important that you all agree on what the parameters are and what you can accomplish – and not get pissed off or beat yourself up for what you can’t accomplish.
BETTE MIDLER

Beats Important Off Pissed
I’ve always been lucky enough to have great audiences. It has been quite a life.
BETTE MIDLER

Audience Enough Lucky
The [film] business is run by men, and they’re basically interested in their own species, and they’re not so interested in women belonging to the human race.
BETTE MIDLER

Men Movie Running
After thirty, a body has a mind of its own.
BETTE MIDLER

Age Birthday Funny Mind
Even if the whole human race dies off because we keep fighting and killing each other and being heartless, the planet will take care of itself. Eventually, after millions of years.
BETTE MIDLER

Fighting Race Years
Men’s brains are smaller than those of women so they can fit into their penises.
BETTE MIDLER

Brain Fit Men
I’m so glad to be back in New York. Los Angeles can be so cold, so cruel after you’ve been-what’s the word?-oh yes: ‘fired.’
BETTE MIDLER

Back Cold Country Cruel Glad
The Internet has changed everything. People will be discovered online. People buy music online. It’s a completely different way to get entertainment.
BETTE MIDLER

Different People Way
I want to have fun, and I want to give people a good laugh.
BETTE MIDLER

Fun Giving People
I made a lot of people laugh, made a lot of people cry in a good way, brought a lot of joy to people, picked up a lot of garbage. And in all those years, I saw a lot. I went to foreign lands. I met interesting people. And I got it!
BETTE MIDLER

Garbage Good Lot People Saw Way
My parents taught me: Do not rely on a man. Not rely on it that you get married and it pays for you. That’s what I figured. I have always paid my own bills.
BETTE MIDLER

Men Parent Pay
I always look old when I work because I get so upset and tense that my face wrinkles up like a prune, I can’t stop it.
BETTE MIDLER

Pruned Tense Upset
When I finally did stop and look at my life, I realized that I had done what I’d set out to do. In my pitiful little way, I had climbed the mountain I had chosen. And there I was, on top.
BETTE MIDLER

Done Looks Mountain
Only two groups of people intimidate me absolutely: salespeople and the French.
BETTE MIDLER

Groups People Two

I haven’t left my house in days. I watch the news channels incessantly. All the news stories are about the election; all the commercials are Viagra and Cialis. Election, erection, election, erection! Either way we’re screwed!

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I haven’t left my house in days. I watch the news channels incessantly. All the news stories are about the election; all the commercials are Viagra and Cialis. Election, erection, election, erection! Either way we’re screwed!

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Bette Midler Quotes