This I know for a fact: the reason African women have children is so that there’s someone else to do the housework.
BEN AARONOVITCHMy dad was a fairy,” said Zach. “And by that I don’t mean he dressed well and enjoyed musical theatre.
More Ben Aaronovitch Quotes
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Every male in the world thinks he’s an excellent driver. Every copper who’s ever had to pick an eyeball out of a puddle knows that most of them are kidding themselves.
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The first rule about a black woman’s hair is you don’t talk about a black woman’s hair. And the second rule is you don’t ever touch a black woman’s hair without getting written permission first.
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The truth is that at the end of the day, unless you’ve generated some sort of lead, you go home and get on with the important things in life – like drinking and sleeping, and if you’re lucky, a relationship with the gender and sexual orientation of your choice.
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If you just warn people, they often simply ignore you. But if you ask them a question, then they have to think about it.
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Questions would be asked. Answers would be ignored.
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Holy paranormal activity, Nightingale – to the Jag mobile.
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The motto of West African cooking is that if the food doesn’t set fire to the tablecloth the cook is being stingy with the pepper.
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Conflict resolution,’ said Nightingale. ‘Is this what they teach at Hendon these days?’ ‘Yes, sir,’ I said. ‘But don’t worry, they also teach us how to beat people with phone books and the ten best ways to plant evidence.
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Actually I’d always thought he sat in the library with a slim volume of metaphysical poetry until the commissioner called him on the bat phone and summoned him into action. Holy paranormal activity, Nightingale – to the Jag mobile.
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And once they start to think about the consequences, they almost always calm down. Unless they’re drunk, of course. Or stoned. Or aged between fourteen and twenty-one. Or Glaswegian.
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The study of the victim is called victimology because everything sounds better with and ology tacked on the end.
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You know, your species [humans] has the most amazing capacity for self-deception, matched only by its ingenuity in trying to destroy itself.
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Coffee arrived and the espresso was excellent, like an aromatic electric fence.
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It’s a sad fact of modern life that if you drive long enough, sooner or later you must leave London behind.
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He was calling it an atonic seizure because, even if he didn’t know why it had happened, it was important to give it a cool name.
BEN AARONOVITCH