“You ask me what life is. That’s like asking what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot, and there’s nothing more to know.”

A good upbringing means not that you won’t spill sauce on the tablecloth, but that you won’t notice it when someone else does.

If you wish women to love you be original; I know a man who used to wear felt boots summer and winter & women fell in love with him.

Do silly things. Foolishness is a great deal more vital and healthy than our straining and striving after a meaningful life.

In all the universe nothing remains permanent and unchanged but the spirit.

Any idiot can face a crisis – it’s day to day living that wears you out.

The illusion which exalts us is dearer to us than ten thousand truths.

He who desires nothing, hopes for nothing, and is afraid of nothing, cannot be an artist.

A man and a woman marry because both of them do not know what to do with themselves.

My love is like a stone tied round my neck; it’s dragging me down to the bottom; but I love my stone. I can’t live without it.

What a fine weather today! Can’t choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.

If you want to work on your art, work on your life.

We shall find peace. We shall hear angels, we shall see the sky sparkling with diamonds.

People are far more sincere and good-humored at speeding their parting guests than on meeting them.

Life on earth is inconceivable without trees.

Medicine is my lawful wife and literature my mistress; when I get tired of one, I spend the night with the other.