“If I had listened to the critics I’d have died drunk in the gutter”

Only during hard times do people come to understand how difficult it is to be master of their feelings and thoughts.

Nothing can be accomplished by logic and ethics.

Everything should be first-rate in a person, his face, clothes, soul and thoughts.

A good upbringing means not that you won’t spill sauce on the tablecloth, but that you won’t notice it when someone else does.

If you wish women to love you be original; I know a man who used to wear felt boots summer and winter & women fell in love with him.

Do silly things. Foolishness is a great deal more vital and healthy than our straining and striving after a meaningful life.

In all the universe nothing remains permanent and unchanged but the spirit.

Any idiot can face a crisis – it’s day to day living that wears you out.

You ask me what life is. That’s like asking what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot, and there’s nothing more to know.

The illusion which exalts us is dearer to us than ten thousand truths.

He who desires nothing, hopes for nothing, and is afraid of nothing, cannot be an artist.

A man and a woman marry because both of them do not know what to do with themselves.

My love is like a stone tied round my neck; it’s dragging me down to the bottom; but I love my stone. I can’t live without it.

What a fine weather today! Can’t choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.

If you want to work on your art, work on your life.

More people die on a per mile basis from drunk walking than from drunk driving.

What a fine weather today! Can’t choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

Oh, ’tis jesting, dancing, drinking Spins the heavy world around.

They put arsenic in his meat And stared aghast to watch him eat; They poured strychnine in his cup And shook to see him drink it up.

When all is said and done, no literature can outdo the cynicism of real life; you won’t intoxicate with one glass someone who has already drunk up a whole barrel.

Many contemporary authors drink more than they write.

Love is magic, love is tragic. It is the air we breathe and the poison we drink.

My God, so much I like to drink Scotch that sometimes I think my name is Igor Stra-whiskey.