“Claude Jade is a brave nice young lady. But I don’t give any guarantee what she will do on a taxi’s back seat.”

Film your murders like love scenes, and film your love scenes like murders.

Puns are the highest form of literature.

For me, the cinema is not a slice of life, but a piece of cake.

I was an uncommonly unattractive young man.

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

Kicking is very important in football. In fact, some of the more enthusiastic players even kick the ball, occasionally.

I’m frightened of eggs, worse than frightened, they revolt me.

Even my failures make money and become classics a year after I make them.

Self-plagiarism is style.

Some of our most exquisite murders have been domestic, performed with tenderness in simple, homey places like the kitchen table.

I always try to look at things as though I were remembering them three years later.

A good film is when the price of the dinner, the theatre admission and the babysitter were worth it.

All love scenes started on the set are continued in the dressing room.

Conversation is the enemy of good wine and food.

When you can look forward, and the road is clear ahead, and now you are going to create something – that’s as happy as I’d want to be.

There is nothing so good as a burial at sea. It is simple, tidy, and not very incriminating.

The Humane Society is so great to work with. Because everyone there is so nice and supportive, and they’re all animal lovers like me.

Personally, I can’t see why it would be any less romantic to find a husband in a nice four-color catalogue than in the average downtown bar at happy hour.

My favorite moments? Where it’s all going swimmingly, the sun’s out and I’ve got a fire going and a nice snake on the barbecue.

I am a nice person. I care about my driver having lunch, you know.

There’s people making babies to my music. That’s nice.

I am so tired of ruggedly handsome heroes. I don’t know too many ruggedly handsome people who are necessarily nice people. In fact, the beautiful people have a big handicap because they rely too much on their appearance and don’t bother to become interesting.

Some people are more nice than wise.

Once we played at the Fillmore opposite The Cream. Eric Clapton was there and he played his ass off that night …