Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they’ve told you what you think it is you want to hear.
ALAN CORENSince both its national products, snow and chocolate, melt, the cuckoo clock was invented solely in order to give tourists something solid to remember it by.
More Alan Coren Quotes
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Since both its national products, snow and chocolate, melt, the cuckoo clock was invented solely in order to give tourists something solid to remember it by.
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Strictly speaking, the land does not exist; it is merely dehydrated sea.
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It is a magic carpet under which everything has been swept.
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The word “souvenir” has, of course, slightly extended itself in meaning until it now denotes almost anything either breakable or useless.
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Why they emigrated is not exactly clear, but many scholars believe it was because they saw the way Sweden was going, i.e. neutral.
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Enjoy your life today because yesterday had gone and tomorrow may never come.
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The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.
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A humorist tells himself every morning, “I hope it’s going to be a rough day.” When things are going well, it’s much harder to make the right jokes.
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To have a grievance is to have a purpose in life.
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Jacob is a German Shepherd. (I have never understood why they aren’t called German Sheepdogs. What do the Germans call shepherds?)
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I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.
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Kumquats ripen, open and plop flatly to the floor-and outside, in a neat, trimly-hoed kitchen-garden.
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Television is more interesting than people. If it were not we should have people standing in the corner of our room.
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10.30 Newsnight: What Are The Chances Of World War Three Breaking Out After You Have Gone To Bed?
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The Act of God designation on all insurance policies; which means, roughly, that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you.
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