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To die would have been beautiful. But I belong to those who do not die for the sake of beauty.

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Beautiful Beauty Belong Die Sake

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I have always detested the belief that sex is the chief bond between man and woman.
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But here in New York I was ignorant, insignificant, unimportant–one in millions whose destiny concerned no one. New York did not even know of my existence. Nor did it care.
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To die would have been beautiful. But I belong to those who do not die for the sake of beauty.
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Everybody calls everybody a spy, secretly, in Russia, and everybody is under surveillance. You never feel safe.
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In the little hall leading to it was a rack holding various Socialist or radical newspapers, tracts, and pamphlets in very small print and on very bad paper.
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Yet it is awful to love a person who is a torture to you. And a fascinating person who loves you and won’t hear of anything but your loving him and living right by his side through all eternity!
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Thousands of women are crushed and made inarticulate by that system and never develop as their natures would force them to develop were they in a decent environment.
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I forgot the songs they sung – and most of those songs are now dead; I erased their dialect from my tongue.
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There are many men – such as those often to be found among the Indians – who are refined until they have qualities often attributed to the female sex. Yet they are men, and strong ones.
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But settled things were enemies to me and soon lost their newness and color. The unknown called.
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I was learning that books and diagrams can be evil things if they deaden the mind of man and make him blind or cynical before subjection of any kind.
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My mother listened to all the news from the camp during the strike.
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New York was a new and strange world. Vast, impersonal, merciless.
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I joined another circle and the leader gave us a little leaflet in very small print, asking us to read it carefully and then come prepared to ask questions.
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