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Never date a guy who has a pet lizard (he’s probably into weird stuff in bed) and never under any circumstances go on a second date with a guy who says the word “married” on the first date (he’ll turn out to be a mama’s boy or a religious type)

Adam Selzer

We add to it every now and then. It includes things like never date a guy whose computer costs more than his car (you’ll never get him to pay attention to you except over instant messages)
ADAM SELZER

Add Attention Car Computer Date Include Instant Message Now Thing
When you’re dead, everything in the world is like a song that makes you cry.
ADAM SELZER

Cry Everything Make Song World
Wow,” says Peter, “when your guidance counselor tells you to die, you really have problems.
ADAM SELZER

Counselor Die Guidance People Problem Tell Wow You
Never date a guy who has a pet lizard (he’s probably into weird stuff in bed) and never under any circumstances go on a second date with a guy who says the word “married” on the first date (he’ll turn out to be a mama’s boy or a religious type)
ADAM SELZER

Bed Circumstance Date Guy Lizard Married Pet Stuff Wird
Practically no one actually does.
ADAM SELZER

Actually No One Practically
The kiss is still awesome.
ADAM SELZER

Awesome Kiss Still
Not that anyone minds–no one’s paying attention to the music.
ADAM SELZER

Anand Thakur
I feel sorry for them, since none of them understand what it’s like to have a song just get into your soul and become your whole world.
ADAM SELZER

Since Song Sorry Soul Understand Whole World
Ironically, the section on women’s rights was added by a senator from Virginia who opposed the whole thing and was said to be sure that if he stuck something about womens’ rights into it, it would never pass.
ADAM SELZER

Ironically Oppose Stuck Right Section Senator Virginia Women
Even at concerts people pay good money for, instead of a three-dollar cover charge, they talk through the whole thing.
ADAM SELZER

Charge Concert Dollar Good Money Talk Thing Through Whole
Some of them are wearing skirts that I’m pretty sure are supposed to be belts.
ADAM SELZER

Anand Thakur
The Civil Rights Act of 1964 was the most sweeping civil rights legislation of its day, and included women’s rights as part of its reforms.
ADAM SELZER

Civil Legislation Most Reform Right Sweeping Virginia
They don’t know what it’s like when a song changes your life.
ADAM SELZER

Change Life Song
Most of them never really listen to music.
ADAM SELZER

Anand Thakur
The bill passed anyway, though, much to the chagrin of a certain wiener from Virginia.
ADAM SELZER

Bill Chargin Much Passed Virginia Wiener
A long time ago, Trinity and I made a list of types of guys you should never date.
ADAM SELZER

Boy Car Guy Long Made Religious Time Type
What kind of guidance counselor are you?
ADAM SELZER

Counselor Guidance
If you really like someone, it doesn’t matter what their mouth feels or tastes like.
ADAM SELZER

Feel Kissing Matter Mouth Someone Taste
Let me get this straight,” I say. “You’re practically ordering me to die.
ADAM SELZER

Die Guidance Kind Ordering Practically Straight

Never date a guy who has a pet lizard (he’s probably into weird stuff in bed) and never under any circumstances go on a second date with a guy who says the word “married” on the first date (he’ll turn out to be a mama’s boy or a religious type)

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Never date a guy who has a pet lizard (he’s probably into weird stuff in bed) and never under any circumstances go on a second date with a guy who says the word “married” on the first date (he’ll turn out to be a mama’s boy or a religious type)

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