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I thought [when I was 16] my days were just going to be spent hanging out on a beach and my girlfriend was going to be Miss Teen USA and my best friend will be a dolphin.

Aasif Mandvi

Because to Americans, Chechnya might as well be a suburb of Narnia.
AASIF MANDVI

Chechnya Country might Narnia Suburb
North Carolina precinct chairman and GOP executive committee member Don Yelton thinks his state’s new voting restrictions are just fine.
AASIF MANDVI

Carolina Definitely Don Member North Restriction State Thinking Voting Yelton
This was in the ’70s and there was a lot of racism towards South Asians and there was a lot of hazing and bullying and racism that really probably shaped me in some way in terms of, like, wanting to get out of there.
AASIF MANDVI

Asian Bullying Hazing Racism South Toward Way
In America, you have this kind of individualism and in the West, essentially, you have this individualism – this idea of my own personal fulfillment.
AASIF MANDVI

America Essential Idea Ideas Individual Kind Own West
When I was 11 my friend’s mom made a peanut butter sandwich. I ate the sandwich and was like, ‘I’m never eating anything else again.’ And I still eat peanut butter every day. I would put peanut butter on a steak.
AASIF MANDVI

Ate Eating Friend Made Mom Peanut Butter Sandwich
When my family decided to leave England I could not have been happier. I was sort of like – America seemed like the land of opportunity and, you know, it was Hollywood to me.
AASIF MANDVI

America Decide Family Land Like Opportunity Seem Sort
Samantha Bee said to me when I first started on the “Daily Show”, she was like no – there is no – the only way you’ll learn this job is by doing this job.
AASIF MANDVI

Daily First Job Learn No Samantha Bee She Show Started Way
You can get samosas in any pub in England today, pretty much. So, “Gunga Din” has come back.
AASIF MANDVI

Back Come England Pub Samosa Today
If people invited Muslims into their home every week by way of a TV show would go a long way to making people feel comfortable with Muslims and countering misconceptions about who we are. Plus, of course, that will make it easier for us to impose sharia law across America.
AASIF MANDVI

Comfortable Every Feel Home Long People Week
I said we are Ghodratis and there’s nothing that Ghodratis like more than a bargain.
AASIF MANDVI

Bargain Ghodrati More Nothing Said
I think family dynamics are definitely very interesting. And in my case my sister did get married. She gave my parents a grandchild.
AASIF MANDVI

Definitely Dynamic Grandchildren Interesting Married Parent Sister Thinking
From my parent’s generation the idea was not that marriage was about some kind of idealized, romantic love. It was a partnership. It’s about creating family. It’s about creating offspring.
AASIF MANDVI

Creating Generation Idea Ideas Marriage Parent Romantic Love
I think you had the GOP down there in North Carolina reaching out to African-American voters and this guy coming on television and using the N-word and saying what Don Yelton said.
AASIF MANDVI

African American Coming Guy Television Thinking
Indian culture is essentially much more of a we culture. It’s a communal culture where you do what’s best for the community – you procreate.
AASIF MANDVI

Community Culture Essential Indian
Now the bigots have to get creative. Good luck coming up with slurs for Chechens. Go back where you came from, Ushanka head.
AASIF MANDVI

Bigot Chechen Committee Creative Good Luck
Re-colonizing it and sort of reverse-colonizing it to the point that today the national dish of Great Britain is Chicken Tikka Masala.
AASIF MANDVI

Chicken Dish Food National Reverse Today

I thought [when I was 16] my days were just going to be spent hanging out on a beach and my girlfriend was going to be Miss Teen USA and my best friend will be a dolphin.

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I thought [when I was 16] my days were just going to be spent hanging out on a beach and my girlfriend was going to be Miss Teen USA and my best friend will be a dolphin.

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Popular Authors

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