The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I’m like Grace Jones to them. “This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where’s the wife jokes, where’s the fat jokes?”
JERRY SEINFELDPain is usually represented by lightning attacking the guy. Glowing redness is also popular. Sometimes parts of the guy would just burst into flames.
More Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
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This is one of my big things of creative pursuits. You have your idea you want to do, but then you got to figure out what does this thing want to be? You got to let it lead you a little.
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There’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
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I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you’ll hit it.
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I was the best man at the wedding… If I’m the best man, why is she marrying him?
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The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it’s so much fun.
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Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there’s no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
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Once you start doing only what you’ve already proven you can do, you’re on the road to death.
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I didn’t know every day I would be discussing the tone of my voice with my wife. I thought it was a marriage. Apparently, it’s a musical.
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There are more social skills required to talk one-on-one [than to an audience]. You don’t have to be socially fluid to talk to two thousand people.
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Magazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on ‘How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?
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If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don’t you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
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The best revenge is living well.
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I’ve been car crazy my whole life, since I was nine years old. It’s just something I’m very aware of.
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See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don’t know how to hold the reservation and that’s really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.
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I can’t go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
JERRY SEINFELD