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It’s a whole new world as far as getting a show on the air. There’s good things and bad things.

Bill Burr

I gotta be honest with you. Im kind of jealous of the way my dad gets to talk to my mom sometimes. Where are all those old-school women you can just take your day out on? When did they stop making those angels?
BILL BURR

Dad Jealous Mom Women
I am so pro-swine flu… I want it. We need a plague. It’s got to happen; don’t be afraid. It’s only going to kill the weak.
BILL BURR

Flu Needs Want
ou’re in control of your brain. When your brain is sending you bad information or bad thoughts, you can decide to go to the gym, or write a new joke – or if you’re on the road, go to a ball game…
BILL BURR

Brain Control Decide Game Road Sending
What are they worried about? Nobody ever walked into a show as a bleeding heart liberal and had a comedian undo 30 years of life experience.
BILL BURR

Experience Heart Liberal Show Worried
I’m not easy to live with. My wife is a saint.
BILL BURR

Easy Saint Wife
You wanna know how you know you’re informed as a protestor? They don’t show your interview on TV.
BILL BURR

Interviews Television Shows
I love my dog. I hate bankers. I have issues with women. In my head, I’m a great guy.
BILL BURR

Banker Dog Funny Hate Issue
My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn’t be funny, but to observe it, it’s hilarious.
BILL BURR

Favorite Happening Kind
You’ll be laying there fantasizing about sleeping on a futon. There’s no risk when you go after a dream. There’s a tremendous amount to risk to playing it safe.
BILL BURR

Fantasizing Play Safe Sleep Tremendous
The first guy who got Aids was a French flight attendant. How you like that Frenchie! You know when I come back and run for office, that may be the one that comes back and haunts me.
BILL BURR

Guy Office Running
Well probably the coolest show of that whole tour was in Germany. I had a chunk of material on [Adolf] Hitler, and I was worried about how they’d react, but they loved it.
BILL BURR

Coolest Country Shows Worried
Haven’t you noticed that every time the government f-ks up McDonald’s has a new sandwich?
BILL BURR

Government Mcdonalds Sandwiches
[I’m] more German than Irish.
BILL BURR

Country Irish More
Don’t be a jerk to other comics and don’t let the business beat you down, stay positive and if you work your ass off you’re going to get somewhere.
BILL BURR

Ass Jerk Positive Stay
If you’re on social media as a performer you can tell. If you don’t get any Tweets you know it’s bombed. I can pretty much gauge how it’s doing by comparing the reception to shows I’ve done that have actual ratings.
BILL BURR

Done Gauges Media
Ric Flair is the greatest guy ever. He just wants to hang out, have a beer, and tell stories. He’s the coolest. I’ve never met The Rock though.
BILL BURR

Beer Guy Rocks

It’s a whole new world as far as getting a show on the air. There’s good things and bad things.

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It’s a whole new world as far as getting a show on the air. There’s good things and bad things.

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