“I remember getting in the elevator for my audition and there was a guy next to me who had a backpack full of props and wigs and things, and I went, ‘Oh, my God, that guy is so prepared,”

I can’t cook. I can barely make a bowl of cereal.

The best thing to do is to get out in front of an audience as much as you can, and learn from the experience.

Richard Grieco once asked for a bunch of M&M’s

Comedy is this weird thing. You have no idea why certain things work and other things don’t work.

I move out here, and next thing I know I’m 25, and the only thing I’ve heard is, ‘Can you get a coffee, can you hurry up with the thing, blah blah blah.’

My kids, they’re always embarrassed when my voice shows up in something.

The idea of a Chicago band that wanted to sing songs about California is really funny. Having never been to California.

I always felt better co-writing something – always co-writing. Because if I was the lead of it and it failed, then it failed on my own accord. I would say, “Well, I liked it or I screwed up. I take the hit on this one.”

It was nice doing something and hearing someone go, ‘Hey, you’re good at this.’

Growing up in Oklahoma, there wasn’t much to do. Play sports, do a lot of drugs, or read and watch movies, which is what I did.

My dad’s from there, and I have relatives there, but I don’t think I’ve been to Chicago since I was like 9.

I’m not a fan of the Eagles, but I’ve watched their documentary numerous times and everyone who’s watched it with me has sung along to the songs, much to my dismay.

If a guy doesn’t like a funny girl, something is wrong with him.

I really enjoyed playing Vinny Vedecci, the Italian talk show host. He was the first character I ever came up with where I gave him a name and a way of dressing.

I was into writing and directing. I was a bit of a reluctant actor. I would always ask friends to shoot or direct their movies, but then they’d want me to be in them.

All the stories have to do with emotion. Emotion is driving everything.

People under 75 need more seasoning

The intelligent investor is likely to need considerable will power to keep from following the crowd.

Everyone needs to take a vacation from the sort of automatic things you do.

Despite the opposition, trials, and temptations, you need not fail or fear.

You don’t have to have all this film stock, you can work faster, and you don’t need a giant crew. It’s great.

You can’t listen to the news. You have to go with the facts. You need to use a logical approach and have the discipline to apply it. You must be able to control your emotions.

Computer science needs to be part of the core curriculum – like algebra, biology, physics, or chemistry. We need all schools to teach it, not just 10%.

I don’t keep any close friends. I don’t keep any secrets. I don’t need friends. I just tell everybody everything, that’s all.