“It sometimes occurs to me that the British have more heritage than isgood for them.”

A belief that no commercial activities must be allowed inside the park, but permitting unrestrained development outside, even though the landscape there may be just as outstanding.

As a rule of thumb, I would submit that if you need to call your floss provider, for any reason, you are probably not ready for this level of oral hygiene.

You are going to have a day without even the tiniest of pleasures; you are going to drive across Ohio.

I have long known that it is part of God’s plan for me to spend a little time with each of the most stupid people on earth.

You can be a scientist and believe in god: the two can go hand in hand.

I come from Des Moines. Someone had to.

Because we humans are big and clever enough to produce and utilize antibiotics and disinfectants, it is easy to convince ourselves that we have banished bacteria to the fringes of existence.

I’m not a natural story-teller. Put a keyboard in front of me and I’m fine, but stand me up in front of an audience and I’m actually quite shy and reserved.

Everything that has ever lived, plant or animal, dates its beginning from the same primordial twitch. At some point in an unimaginably distant past, some little bag of chemicals fidgeted to life. It absorbed some nutrients, gently pulsed, had a brief existence.

If you can imagine a man having a vasectomy without anesthetic to the sound of frantic sitar-playing, you will have some idea of what popular Turkish music is like.

I understand now, in a way I never did before, the colossal scale of the world. I found patience and fortitude that I didn’t know I had. I discovered an America that millions of people scarcely know exists. I made a friend. I came home.

Cheapness is a great virtue.

Making English grammar conform to Latin rules is like asking people to play baseball using the rules of football.

To understand what anyone is saying to us we must separate these noises into words and the words into sentences so that we might in our turn issue a stream of mixed sounds in response.

And a really good story because he was this kid who grew up essentially as an orphan, you know, had a tough life, and then he became the most successful baseball player ever. But he was also a really good guy.

America is a great disappointment to me. As I said in one of my books, other societies create civilisations; we build shopping malls.

The British Constitution has always been puzzling and always will be.

Uncontrolled, mass immigration displaces British workers, forces people onto benefits, and suppresses wages for the low-paid.

The reality is that the British monarchy, for good or ill, is a modern political institution – perhaps the first modern political institution.

If the British are a nation of shopkeepers, Americans are a nation of shoppers.

I’m not as big a soccer fan as people might imagine, being British.

I’m still a member of the Empire! Although I sometimes feel like an American with a British accent – you get contaminated after so long.

I can make your tears fall down like the showers that are British.

For me, it’s about being a star, being a superstar, and not just winning a world title but becoming the best-ever British fighter this country has ever had. That’s what I am, and that’s what I intend to do.