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I was a feature one time and they gave me host money. When I called to complain the guy goes “no you didn’t feature, you co-hosted”. He literally invented a term so he didn’t have to pay me. And obviously that check bounced!

Bill Burr

Pitbulls are like a gun you can pet.
BILL BURR

Gun Pet Pitbull
Like most comics, I tried to come up with a sitcom idea that was based around my life. And it didn’t work out. But maybe because it didn’t work out, that’s why I ended up on ‘Breaking Bad;’ I don’t know.
BILL BURR

Ideas Outcome Sitcom Work
Don’t be a jerk to other comics and don’t let the business beat you down, stay positive and if you work your ass off you’re going to get somewhere.
BILL BURR

Ass Jerk Positive Stay
I enjoy collaborating with other people.
BILL BURR

Collaborating Enjoy People
Think about the amount of crap the US has done! Between slavery and the genocide of the Native Americans – if any of that had been filmed like [Adolf] Hitler, we’d never live it down.
BILL BURR

Country Done Native Thinking
Any other town you go to there’s this little devil and a little angel on your shoulder.
BILL BURR

Angel Funny Vegas
My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn’t be funny, but to observe it, it’s hilarious.
BILL BURR

Favorite Happening Kind
Surround yourself with positive people. Also, be a positive person. Root for people. Somebody else’s success is not your failure.
BILL BURR

People Roots Surround Yourself
Gold diggers are the wife beaters of men!
BILL BURR

Gold Men Wife
People should be happy to see you when you show up to a club because you’re a good person. And stop caring about what the industry is “looking for”. Just say what you think is funny. .
BILL BURR

Caring People Thinking
Everyone should just drive out to the Mojave Desert and just experience it, and it’s a fun place to live.
BILL BURR

Desert Fun
I bet The Walking Dead gets really low ratings out in Montana, just because all they need to do is look out their f-king window, am I right?
BILL BURR

Dead Kings Needs Walking
For aspiring comedians? Don’t listen to me. Just go on stage and do what you think is funny.
BILL BURR

Comedian Goes Thinking
To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I’m just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again.
BILL BURR

Again Funny Opinion Talking Yelling
If you get a chance to go outside of the country, you start examining where you’re from and some of the thought processes.
BILL BURR

Chance Country East
Something that’s going to get the blood going. Or you can let those thoughts take you right down the rabbit hole.
BILL BURR

Issue Rabbit Role Something Though Women

I was a feature one time and they gave me host money. When I called to complain the guy goes “no you didn’t feature, you co-hosted”. He literally invented a term so he didn’t have to pay me. And obviously that check bounced!

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I was a feature one time and they gave me host money. When I called to complain the guy goes “no you didn’t feature, you co-hosted”. He literally invented a term so he didn’t have to pay me. And obviously that check bounced!

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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