“A man asking for help ought to at least give directions.”

I’ve been reading ghost stories ever since I could read. I’m immensely curious about ghosts and UFOs and all that stuff, but I’m a very hard-headed person.

When men start talking about ‘honor’, there is sure to be trouble ahead.

There was no warning, not even a knock. The door flew open, and he forgot his present aches and pains in anticipation of what lay in store. The figure that stood in the door was not that of an enemy. It was worse. It was his mother.

In the silence I heard Bastet, who had retreated under the bed, carrying on a mumbling, profane monologue. (If you ask how I knew it was profane, I presume you have never owned a cat.)

Cats always pick the laps of the people who don’t like them.

Giving other people advice is one of the most irritating and useless activities known to man.

His masculinity was only too apparent

I am so tired of ruggedly handsome heroes. I don’t know too many ruggedly handsome people who are necessarily nice people. In fact, the beautiful people have a big handicap because they rely too much on their appearance and don’t bother to become interesting.

Many persons lead lives of crushing boredom.

It may take us a little longer to reach the summit, but never fear, we will get there!

Another dead body. Every year it is the same. Every year, another dead body.

Since I am not as stupid as my children believe I am, I had immediately realized this might be a ruse, but I was not at all averse to a confrontation. In fact, I had been hoping for some such thing.

But the dust! And the clutter! My housewifely and scholarly instincts were equally offended.

I don’t think she realized how much she cared for him, or he for her, until the end. Hasn’t someone said a woman may be known by the men who love her enough to die for her? (If they haven’t, I claim the credit myself.)

That’s maturity-when you realize that you’ve finally arrived at a state of ignorance as profound as your parents.

When emotion supersedes reason … gullibility must follow.

One guy just kept asking me and asking me in an interview, and I kept saying, “I just got done telling you no, there’s nothing to report.”

Asking politicians to vote themselves out of power is like asking rabbits not to multiply, it ain’t natural.

You are asking yourself, as all of us must: ‘Who am I?’ . . . ‘Where am I?’ . . . ‘Whence do I go?’ The process of enlightenment is usually slow. But, in the end, our seeking always brings a finding. These great mysteries are, after all, enshrined in complete simplicity.

The fundamental thing about sketching is that it isabout asking not telling

You curate information that you want to receive. It’s a lot different because I’m not asking you if it’s okay, I’m just saying I’m following your updates. That’s why I don’t think of Twitter as a social network.

We keep asking for answers; God keeps sending us people.

Asking journalists to denounce leaks because of their deleterious effects on the functioning of government is as hopeless as asking an airline to denounce jet fuel because of its impact on the environment.

Ask Nureyev to stop dancing, ask Sinatra to stop singing, then you can ask me to stop playing.