“There are people who exist in this world not like entities but like the speckles or spots on something.”

For public opinion does not admit that lofty rapturous laughter is worthy to stand beside lofty lyrical emotion and that there isall the difference in the world between it and the antics of a clown at a fair.

We ought to thank God for that. Yes, the man who tills the land is more worthy of respect than any.

Steeds, steeds, what steeds! Has the whirlwind a home in your manes?

Don’t blame the mirror if your face is faulty.

However stupid a fools words may be, they are sometimes enough to confound an intelligent man.

it’s not my job to preach a sermon. Art is anyhow a homily. My job is to speak in living images, not in arguments. I must exhibit life full-face, not discuss life.

I tell everyone very plainly that I take bribes, but what kind of bribes? Why, greyhound puppies. That’s a totally different matter.

Countless are, as the sand in the sea, the deep desires of men, and none resembles the other, and all of them, whether shameful, or great, in the beginning are obedient, but later become terrible masters over him.

Always think of what is useful and not what is beautiful. Beauty will come of its own accord.

The more debris there is the more it will show the governor’s activity.

A time of famine and poverty will come and the people as a whole as well as every individual in it will suffer.

Sank into the profound slumber which comes only to such fortunate folk as are troubled neither with mosquitoes nor fleas nor excessive activity of brain.

Also, though not over-elderly, he was not over-young.

There are occasions when a woman, no matter how weak and impotent in character she may be in comparison with a man, will yet suddenly become not only harder than any man, but even harder than anything and everything in the world.

It is no use to blame the looking glass if your face is awry.

The Lord grant we may all be tillers of the soil.

The wine glasses are empty except for that one undrinkable red spot at the bottom.

So much of a stand-up’s life is doing live radio and having to be funny and quick on the spot with these strangers, and sort of surgical in terms of how funny I can be in three minutes.

When one is undone—sprawled across the cold tile of a public bathroom in a pool of one’s own vomit, or shivering in the back of a taxi in a pair of urine-soaked skinny jeans with no money for cab fare and a dead cell phone battery.

I can spot empty flattery and know exactly where I stand. In the end it’s really only my own approval or disapproval that means anything.

I love that team, I wear their symbol around my neck on a chain – I’ve always had a soft spot for this little club.

We are tyrannized by our blind spots, and by whatever it is about ourselves that we find unacceptable.

Now I’m on a mouth-watering journey to find America’s greatest pig-out spots.

And get off your spot and take that knowledge you have not to fix yourself into a place but to keep going.