“I am so tired of ruggedly handsome heroes. I don’t know too many ruggedly handsome people who are necessarily nice people. In fact, the beautiful people have a big handicap because they rely too much on their appearance and don’t bother to become interesting.”

It is easier to counterfeit old age than youth.

..he continues to cling to the forlorn hope that I will turn into one of those swooning females…and fling myself squeeling at him whenever anything happens. Like all men, he clings to his illusions.

Exaggeration is the cheapest form of humor.

Is is difficult to be angry with a gentleman who pays you compliments, even impertinent compliments. Especially impertinent compliments.

A lady cannot be blamed if a master criminal takes a fancy to her.

If all else fails, we will simply have to drug our attendants, overpower the guards, raise the oppressed peasants to arms, and take over the government.

Most men are reasonably useful in a crisis. The difficulty lies in convincing them that the situation has reached a critical point

The approval of a cat cannot but flatter the recipient.

I disapprove of matrimony as a matter of principle…. Why should any independent, intelligent female choose to subject herself to the whims and tyrannies of a husband? I assure you, I have yet to meet a man as sensible as myself! (Amelia Peabody)

there is nothing like a garden to rest the soul.

It was hate at first sight, clean, pure and strong as grain alcohol.

To argue without knowledge is like trying to weave without thread.

Noble causes have a deplorable effect on the morals of the persons who espouse them.

I have learned that particularly clever ideas do not always stand up under close scrutiny.

stereotypes are awfully misleading. There are typical librarians, but not all librarians are typical.

Sekhmet crawled onto Ramses’s lap and began to purr. ‘The creature oozes like a furry slug,’ said Ramses, eyeing it without favor.

Not only are they just great, nice guys; they’re some of the best musicians you’re likely to find.

I can’t say enough good things about my band. I feel very fortunate that I found them when I did, very early in my career.

Well I’ve made no secret of my life long love of MAD Magazine, it’s probably my first and greatest influence in terms of my comic sensibilities. I’ve known John [Ficarra] for many years, and we’ve been friends.

I went to church and couldn’t swallow it. The music was nice but I don’t belong there.

The hardest thing about being famous is that people are always nice to you.

I’ve done a movie and a TV series, and someday I’d like to do a successful movie and a successful TV series. That would be nice.

Be as nice as possible and as nasty as necessary.

Butch, you come from DeWitt Clinton. There are five thousand brothers in that school.