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The first thing I remember is that my dad had a big iron Olivetti typewriter and he worked all night.

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When I write I inhabit a personality that is and is not me.
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The first thing I remember is that my dad had a big iron Olivetti typewriter and he worked all night.
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My dad Alan loved Westerns and we watched them together when there wasn’t much else on TV. I had toy cowboys I’d call Richard Widmark or Gregory Peck and we’d restage the Battle of the Alamo.
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I have quite good general knowledge and I had a very drilled education from an early age. I do know more than most people.
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Of course you can get a decent mouthful of food in New York. You can get a decent mouthful of food in Nairobi.
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Mineral water is a preposterous vanity, either bottled in glass which is stupidly heavy to freight, or in plastic that ends up in one of the plastic patches the size of Texas occupying our oceans.
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I know more than most journalists. I know more than most columnists on big, important newspapers.
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I would go swaggering into restaurants in some ridiculous tramp disguise, challenging them to mistreat me, order the things I was least likely to enjoy, then hurl my plate aside in a fury and demand to see the manager.
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We built walls around them with slits through which to fire arrows at scary, cross-eyed rural people, and brought our food and family inside because they were the safest places to be.
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My time in Paris was an education in both the grimness of a relentless, grinding day job and the joys of nights in glittering restaurants.
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I always say what I think to be amusing.
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I let the other reviewers eat the bad meals, so that I didn’t have to, and my wife and I went out only for the good stuff. And I wrote mostly positive reviews. Not only. But mostly. And, ooooh, it felt an awful lot better.
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