Fiscal conservatism is just an easy way to express something that is a bit more difficult, which is that the size and scope of government, and really the size and scope of politics in our lives, has grown uncomfortable, unwieldy, intrusive and inefficient.
P. J. O'ROURKEWhen I’m in the car, I want the only one shouting to be me.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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The people who despise America are the editors of the ‘New Statesman.’ Their green-card applications must have been turned down.
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Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.
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Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
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Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
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The Afghans themselves say that if you put two Afghans in a room, you get three factions.
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The 20th century was a test bed for big ideas – fascism, communism, the atomic bomb.
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You can’t get rid of poverty by giving people money.
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I like fiction and the kind of history that gives the grace and flavor of fiction to the past. No bloviation on current events, please. I can write that junk myself.
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Why do elites hate the poor? It’s xenophobia. They don’t know any poor people – except their off-the-books Brazilian nanny and illegal immigrant cleaning lady from Upper Revolta who don’t speak English.
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I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a ‘learning experience.’ Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I’ve done as a ‘learning experience.’ It makes me feel less stupid.
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Preachers at black churches are the last people left in the English-speaking world who know the schemes and tropes of classical rhetoric: parallelism, antithesis, epistrophe, synecdoche, metonymy, periphrasis, litotes – the whole bag of tricks.
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The divorce rate in 1946 was higher than it ever had been and as high as it ever would be until the ’70s. The reason was that prior relationships had not endured the strain of war.
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The idea of a stag hunt evokes chivalry – knights in jerkins and hose, ladies on sidesaddles with wimples and billowing dresses, a white stag symbolizing something-or-other, and Robin Hood getting in the way. An actual stag hunt is more like a horseback meeting of a county planning commission.
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Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
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You’re stupid,’ is not something even his most severe critics usually say to President Barack Obama.
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Stupid is a great force in human affairs.
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The young are adept at learning, but even more adept at avoiding it.
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When I’m in the car, I want the only one shouting to be me.
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If you ask the government to solve all of your problems, it’s a bit like asking your wife to cook and clean, to raise the children, to hold down a second job to help with the family finances, to keep her parents happy and well and keep your parents happy and well, and to also – to do the lawn and clean the gutters.
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Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure, are impotent in the face of hope and joy.
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The most brilliant satire of all time was ‘A Modest Proposal’ by Jonathan Swift. You’ll notice how everything got straightened out in Ireland within days of that coming out.
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The C student starts a restaurant. The A student writes restaurant reviews.
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Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.
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Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
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I was very much in favor of the Iraq invasion.
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Don’t send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed.
P. J. O'ROURKE