“We’re a nation of sheep. If you go out and look up at the sky, people around you will start looking up at the sky.”

A woman in Santa Barbara, California, sent a $40,000 check. I fondled it for about five minutes and then sent it back. I told her I couldn’t accept money from strangers.

I look at the newspapers, and I cannot believe most of the stories I read. Bernie Madoff, who actually screwed millions of people for billions of dollars.

It’s just unbelievable what he got away with and how long it took for him to be exposed. A guy like that should be hanged.

I once recommended [in a San Francisco Chronicle column] that a third arm – a plastic arm – be sewn at the base of the spine so that people could have a tripod to sit on while waiting in line, and it was taken seriously.

Even with clothing naked animals, there were people who wanted to send in money.

My credibility is zero. My wife claims she can go before any judge at any time and have me committed.

You’re a liar!” he turned around, his black eyes snapping. “i’m also a thief, a gambler, a cheat, and a murdered. But this happens to be one of the rare times when i’m telling the truth. Go home. Consider yourself lucky. You’ve got a chance to start fresh. Not everyone can say the same.

Every time you think all the technology that had been created already, all you have to do is look around and then there’s someone new who’s born with a new idea.

Nora: i have questions. Patch: i should have known you’ve only been keeping me around for answers. Nora: well, that and your kisses. Anyone ever tell you you’re an incredible kisser?

The meeting was like a war council with donuts. Then again, back at Camp Half-Blood they used to have their most serious discussions around the Ping-Pong table in the rec room with crackers and Cheez Whiz, so Percy felt right at home.

I’m lucky to have family around me. Otherwise, I’ll be taking the risk of falling in love with myself.

All we can do is go around telling the truth.

That everything around you give you its utter attention, think only of you, care only for you…every man wants to be a tyrant when he fornicates.

Maggots squirming in your eyeholes…And your other orifices, might be carrying things a bit too far.” “this is why i keep you around, rixon. Always seeing things from the bright side.