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For 35 years I was a writer. I wrote a lot of jokes. Some of them weren’t funny. Some of them weren’t appropriate. Some of them were downright offensive. I understand that.

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I like the liberal tradition; I like the Hubert Humphrey tradition fighting for civil rights.
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Oh, no, you’re kidding.’ I go, ‘No, I’m really honest.’
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There is a subset of Democrats who tend to mis-fill out ballots. The way you mark the ballot is like an S.A.T. – you fill in the circle. And the subset of people who tend to, like, put a check there instead, or an X, or fill it out wrong.
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The Fourth Amendment doesn’t apply to corporations.
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Net neutrality isn’t a government takeover of the Internet, as many of my Republican colleagues have alleged.
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Colleague Government Interest Many Republican
The nature of the Internet and the importance of net neutrality is that innovation can come from everyone.
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Come Everyone Importance Innovation Internet Nature Neutrality
When people talked about protecting their privacy when I was growing up, they were talking about protecting it from the government.
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We don’t know how many Russian oligarchs have invested in his business.
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Business Country Invest Know Oligarchs
Skepticism turns to cynicism, which leads to apathy and despair, which can cause sleeplessness, dry-mouth, and loss of sex drive?
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Gary Bauer is a very good – he’s a good friend of mine.
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Friend Good Mine People Very
But when Americans lack the most basic information about our domestic surveillance programs, they have no way of knowing whether we’re getting that balance right. This lack of transparency is a big problem.
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Big Country Domestic Get Information Lack Problem Program Surveillance Transparency
I want a president who can handle a cream soda.
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As someone who’s spent time with our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan on USO tours and met wounded warriors at Walter Reed and Bethesda,
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The way I see it, I’m not going to Washington to be the 60th Democratic senator. I’m going to Washington to be the second senator from the state of Minnesota.
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I’m crushed by the responsibility of writing a satirical book.
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I’m part of the mushball middle. I consider ‘confused’ the majority position because, thankfully.
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Confuse Consider Majority Middle Mushball People Position Thankful

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