“Because there are so many shows on and because I’ve been so hands-on – I’ve had a piece on almost every single week – I don’t know how to cut back on that. You really can’t.”

Small children do not belong at an adult party, and especially should not be used like trained midgets to help serve martinis.

Show me someone who never gossips, and I’ll show you someone who isn’t interested in people.

[On being indecisive and changeable:] On my gravestone I want inscribed: ‘On the other hand, maybe I should have lived.

Homogeneity is much to be admired – in milk, for instance – but not for parties.

A good laugh makes any interview, or any conversation, so much better.

If it’s a woman it’s caustic, if it’s a man it’s authority, If it’s a woman it’s too pushy, if it’s a man it’s aggressive in the best sense of the word.

A conversation isn’t a competition.

This is what I tell, especially young women, fight the big fights. Don’t fight the little fight… Be the first one in, be the last one out. Do your homework, choose your battles. Don’t whine, and don’t be the one who complains about everything. Fight the big fight.

Most old people … are disheartened to be living in the ailing house of their bodies, to be limited physically and economically, to feel an encumbrance to others – guests who didn’t have the good manners to leave when the party was over.

The news media in general are liberals.

To not sing with an orchestra, to not be able to communicate through my voice, which I’ve done all my life, and not to be able to phrase lyrics and give people that kind of joy, I think I would be totally devastated.

I don’t know about you, but I can never get enough David Letterman.

A Hot Fudge Sundae and a trashy novel is my idea of heaven.

Wait for those unguarded moments. Relax the mood and, like the child dropping off to sleep, the subject often reveals his truest self.

I also found that for myself, since I’ve had no religious education, it was so interesting to see the different versions of heaven and what life on earth means.

Because there are so many shows on and because I’ve been so hands-on – I’ve had a piece on almost every single week – I don’t know how to cut back on that. You really can’t.

Since the day Brahma created the world to this day, no one’s ever been able to satisfy a wedding guest. They always find some opportunity or other to find fault and criticise. One who can’t even afford a dry piece of bread at home becomes a lord at the wedding party.

Good character is more to be praised than outstanding talent. Most talents are, to some extent, a gift. Good character, by contrast, is not given to us. We have to build it, piece by piece – by thought, choice, courage, and determination.

A piece of music is an experience to be taken by itself.

For the first three years, when I was writing, I was doing sessions with a whole bunch of different people all the time every day until I met Lindy Robbins, who kind of mentored me. And then, once you find that, all the pieces come together.

Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.

Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.

Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?