“Every Joke is a Tiny Revolution.”

Patriotism has nothing to do with Conservatism.

The object of power is power.

Confession is not betrayal. What you say or do doesn’t matter; only feelings matter. If they could make me stop loving you-that would be the real betrayal.

War against a foreign country only happens when the moneyed classes think they are going to profit from it.

We do not merely destroy our enemies; we change them.

The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.

Your worst enemy, he reflected, was your own nervous system. At any moment the tension inside you was liable to translate itself into some visible symptom.

Men can only be happy when they do not assume that the object of life is happiness.

Several of them would have protested if they could have found the right arguments

In the face of pain there are no heroes.

There are some ideas so absurd that only an intellectual could believe them.

If people cannot write well, they cannot think well, and if they cannot think well, others will do their thinking for them.

The way to make a million dollars is to start a religion.

To see what is in front of one’s nose needs a constant struggle.

If you loved someone, you loved him, and when you had nothing else to give, you still gave him love.

The fallacy is to believe that under a dictatorial government you can be free inside.

I’m not freakishly short. I had, on my show, used shortness as a joke subject; it didn’t really bother me.

We don’t really have to make fun of religion – it makes fun of itself.

The brain process that results in a joke materializing where no joke was before remains a mystery. I’m not aware of any scholarly, scientific or neurological studies on the subject.

Well, I mean, if a joke or humor is bawdy, it’s got to be funny enough to warrant it. You can’t just have it bawdy or dirty just for the sake of being that – it’s got to be funny.

Your departure is no joke it freaks me out every time you leave for the airport.

Are disappointing patterns just patterns only? Or are they a mockery of your stupidity?

He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.

I still think people do have racial hang-ups, but I think one of the reasons I can joke about it is people are shedding those racial hatreds.