“There was always another side to a joke, the side of the victim.”

He was impregnably armored by his good intentions and his ignorance.

The next best thing to talking to her is talking about her.

For an artist to think in terms of success is like a priest trying to think in terms of success.

Our worst enemies here are not the ignorant and simple, however cruel; our worst enemies are the intelligent and corrupt.

I can’t talk you in terms of time –your time and my time are different

I had to touch you with my hands, I had to taste you with my tongue; one can’t love and do nothing.

We never get accustomed to being less important to other people than they are to us.

To be in love is to see yourself as someone else sees you, it is to be in love with the falsified and exalted image of yourself. In love we are incapable of honor – the courageous act is no more than playing a part to an audience of two.

I aim to be content with what I produce. It’s an aim I never achieve, but I go over my work word by word, time and again, so as to be as little dissatisfied as possible.

Innocence is a kind of insanity.

Most things disappoint till you look deeper.

Human nature is not black and white but black and grey.

Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector.

People who like quotes love meaningless generalizations.

One has no talent. I have no talent. It’s just a question of working, of being willing to put in the time.

As long as nothing happens anything is possible.

When you’re old enough to write a book for children, by then you’ll have become a grown up and have lost all your jokeyness. Unless you’re an undeveloped adult and still have an enormous amount of childishness in you.

I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb – and I’m not blonde either.

The happiness and the joy that I see in the eyes of the children. They saved my life so I want to, give it back. I’m not joking.

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I’ll forgive Thy great big one on me.

When in doubt, go for the dick joke.

The gods too are fond of a joke.

I don’t mind making jokes, but I don’t want to look like one.

Math jokes have a small audience.