“When I’m not thanked at all, I’m thanked enough.”

A man may go to heaven with half the pains it cost him to purchase hell.

No one hath seen beauty in its highest lustre who hath never seen it in distress.

We must eat to live, and not live to eat.

Wisdom is the talent of buying virtuous pleasures at the cheapest rate.

A wonder lasts but nine days, and then the puppy’s eyes are open.

The prudence of the best heads is often defeated by tenderness of the best hearts.

The life of a coquette is one constant lie; and the only rule by which you can form any correct judgment of them is that they are never what they seem.

The constant desire of pleasing which is the peculiar quality of some, may be called the happiest of all desires in this that it rarely fails of attaining its end when not disgraced by affectation.

When children are doing nothing, they are doing mischief.

There’s one fool at least in every married couple.

I describe not men, but manners; not an individual, but a species.

Enough is equal to a feast.

There is not in the universe a more ridiculous, nor a more contemptible animal, than a proud clergyman.

There cannot be a move glorious object in creation than a human being replete with benevolence, meditating in what manner he might render himself most acceptable to his Creator by doing most good to His creatures.

Fashion is the science of appearance, and it inspires one with the desire to seem rather than to be.

Good-humor will even go so far as often to supply the lack of wit.

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

I’m not as good a swimmer as I used to be – thanks to evolution.

Dear self, thank you for doing your best. I believe in you.

Let me gaze deeper into your eyes and thank the cosmos in disguise.

Her body is a undiscovered country and she is afraid that someone will colonize it and expect her to thank them for the wreckage.

Thank you for believing in me the way I used to.

This year I will try to be thankful for me.

I send thank you notes, not emails, even if I’m staying at a friend’s house or something. I’m very old school.