“When I got the red card all the Chelsea players come around. It felt like I had a lot of babies around me.”

It was the fault of David Trezeguet, who made me do one drink of vodka after another. I slept in the bathtub. Now I hold my vodka much better.

I don’t need the Ballon d’Or to know I’m the best. It matters more to some players

A World Cup without Zlatan is not worth watching.

José Mourinho is a big star. He’s nice. The first time he met Helena [Ibrahimovic’s partner] he whispered to her: ‘Helena, you have only one mission – feed Zlatan, let him sleep, keep him happy.’ That guy says whatever he wants. I like him.

It is nice when people recognize me and approach me in the street. Anyone who says they don’t like that is lying.

One thing is for sure, a World Cup without me is nothing to watch so it is not worthwhile to wait for the World Cup.

I think I’m like wine. The older I get, the better I get.

An injured Zlatan is a pretty serious thing for any team.

That’s how it is with the English: if you score against them you’re a good player; if you don’t, you’re not.

Arsenal could have happened, as everybody knows, but I would not do a trial. Who do you think regrets that more – Arsene Wenger or Zlatan?

England is a very strong league, with three or four of the best teams in Europe, but, if I had played there, I would have destroyed it, like I have everywhere else.

I’m like Muhammed Ali. When he said he would knock someone out in the fourth round, he did it.

PSG’s project is to dream bigger, but if you buy Messi, you don’t dream bigger – you are bigger!

Zlatan doesn’t do auditions.

I can play in the 11 positions because a good player can play anywhere on the pitch.

At Barca, players were banned from driving their sports cars to training. I thought this was ridiculous – it was no one’s business what car I drive – so in April, before a match with Almeria, I drove my Ferrari Enzo to work. It caused a scene.

Give me a child for the first 5 years of his life and he will be mine forever.

I realized I didn’t just want to parent children in my own little home but to mother the whole world. What’s the point of gaining influence if you’re not going to use it?

Give me four years to teach the children and the seed I have sown will never be uprooted.

I will fight for my children on any level so they can reach their potential as human beings and in their public duties.

Every labourer is a father, his labour is his child. Choose your project carefully and achieve it worthily

Give me your four year olds, and in a generation I will build a socialist state.

Hater n-ggas marry hater b-tches and have hater kids.

I think that in order to parent effectively, we are going to have to admit two things: We can’t keep our children safe. We can’t accept the fact that we can’t keep our children safe.